I did tell him. He just feels angry towards my parents and says he couldn’t understand too much as he had a really precious childhood.
He said he is angry that my counselling also addresses our relationship as he thought it was all childhood stuff and once I “got over” that we would be ok.
He is saddened to think that maybe I am unhappy in our relationship as he always thought we would just get on and be ok.
I know I need to love myself. Being married I don’t feel love from him and I don’t want that to be another reason to hate myself or abandon myself.
He is a very simplistic man so these conversations freak him out and frustrate him and he cannot cope. He gets angry and takes off exercising for a few hours. Then comes back hoping I won’t bring it up again.
It’s all a terrible cycle
Of pain.
I’m glad you are seeing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for the support.

It was counselling that is affiliated with the church. He didn’t like talking about the problems we had in communicating and he felt that I was making out everything was his fault. Before I met him I never really had connection. A tough childhood- a lot of abandonment and rejection and inner hatred. I turned to drink to numb- met husband- still drank- never had the head over heels feeling. When he proposed I had planned to break up with him that weekend. I cried out of “oh crap” when he asked me to marry him and he cried also because he thought I was so happy. I told him 3 weeks after proposal that I felt like we were “settling”. We both agreed to move on as we do have love for each other.
I gave up drink about 3 years into marriage. Met guy at work and spent a lot of time connecting with him and then it lead to physical relationship. I’ve never had intimacy like that with someone before. It ended as he could not take it and I was married and I wasn’t ready to move out. He told me 2 months ago he is seeing someone and I felt a physical shift in my body. A physical knocking off my axis. This is what has started all this in me. Eventhough me and the affair guy had no physical contact in almost 3 years now- it hit me like a truck. I found a new counsellor and am dealing with the inner child stuff and examining the reasons I chose my husband. He is a man everyone loves as he is steady and reliable but there’s no passion for me like I felt with the other man. I feel like I have been searching for a connection all my life. Drink/affair/ climbed mountains for a while/ work/over exercise etc.
Now I am not doing anything but listening to my inner voice and the pain I feel. And have felt in my marriage for years. I’m not separating to win back affair guy – I really want to be alone and find out who I am. I love my husband too much to crush him on admitting affair and too much to trap him out of loneliness on both our parts. He would gladly stay as we are. As is true to his vows. Me? I never felt fulfilled which lead my into arms of other man instead of into arms of husband as he struggles with communicating. He told me he misses me today and when I asked what he misses about me- he said my company. That could be provided by a friend. It’s all very confusing and sad.
Thanks Anita