Forum Replies Created
November 13, 2013 at 4:45 am #45233ImaginativeMeParticipant
Thankyou for this brilliant post,
I was looking on the internet hoping for some similar advise. A few years ago, I went to medical school.
Slowly, I began to realise, through the general aura of the place and meeting people there the vast shadow
of medicine. It was after having dropped out that I finally read the statistics on abortion and that people
now call it an abortion holocaust. Generally the process was too much for me and I did lots of bad things
and I have lots of things which now cause me pangs of guilt.
But putting aside self-control issues, and thinking more about inner stuff, I feel mainly that now I have learned
how to experience empathy (I was born with dissociation disorder and didn’t used to know how to generate
much in the way of emotion)….I’m finding that I sort of miss my old self, even though my former self was very
unaware of the amount of suffering had by people in the world. I reflect each day on things like homelessness
and prostitution, and like the person above, has got into a habit of keeping up to date with my main concern,
abortion. Reading about that each day has upset me a lot, but I can’t seem to stop reading the news updates
and seem preoccupied with thoughts about the after-lives of beings who are doing these things.
I feel I understand Buddhism more since developing these deeper emotions, but also feel I must not be doing it
in a balanced way because, like the person above, I have begun to feel suicidal/ life is less worth living.
I don’t want to ignore the pain of people, but on the other hand, I would like to spend some of my time as I did
formerly, sort of trusting the universe and practising gratitude and so forth. But if I do that now, its come to the
extent I feel guilty for “cherishing” having a place to live and I start to get quite unhappy almost as if these various
things are happening to me.