I don’t know how to quote with mobile, but…

Anita, thank you for your answer. I think you are correct in that the problem isn’t the fact I cheated back then but the underlying issue that has been present since I was a child of which the cheating was a symptom, I think. I started to suffer from anxiety as a child since my parents were perfectionists, very critical and sometimes even emotionally abusive. I have fought hard to teach myself forgiveness and sympathy for me, but it’s still a work in progress. It takes a lot of effort to battle thought patterns you’ve been taught as a child, such as I am a bad person. So mistakes like these that actually are bad wreck me.

Serg, thank you for your words. It is relieving to read your message since I’m sometimes and now have been for a few days in a pit where sympathy for myself seems impossible. I am thankful that despite my actions I can receive sympathy too. I am being too hard at myself and it seems like you have at some time been too. I hope little by little I can achieve a peace of mind regarding this subject. I am not a monster, I think the regret I’m feeling is at least proof of that.