I love your response, Anita. I deeply resonate with it and with OP’s post. I had a period of incredible growth, but have since regressed further and have collected and ingrained strong unhealthy habits. At this point, my only way out is practice and repetition to strengthen healthier habits. The weight of the endeavor keeps me paralyzed but still, I remember that enlightening time and feel such great excitement and gratitude for this suffering. It’s almost as if conserving the memory of being enlightened prevents me from moving forward. As if the need for self-realization is satisfied with experiencing the memory for brief moments. I feel utterly stuck. Practicing letting go regularly (or at all) is what I believe will help, but there’s still something causing resistance.  I am causing resistance.

Thanks for reading my word vomit.