Anita,

That has been my suspicion since he ended it. In fact, that was the suspicion whenever I felt like I was being taken for granted during the relationship too. But does that mean he never loved me? I accused him of not loving me when he ended it, but he insisted that what he felt was real and that he did fall deeply in love with me, and continues to be deeply in love with me, but the doubt became too overwhelming to ignore.  He told me he would always love me and that he appreciated everything I did for him and what I meant to him, but he just cannot be in a relationship with me.

Does this also mean that there will be a time when he is ready to be in a committed relationship? Should I make myself open to contact from him if that ever does happen or should I totally shut the door on him and never look back? This doesn’t mean I will be sitting around waiting for him, by the way. I am ready to get moving in my life. I’m tired of being sad.

He also says he wants to be friends with me. I think this has something to do with him still loving me/appreciating my company, and not willing to let me go completely. Should I let that happen?

Sorry for the weird formatting! I’m new here. This is the post without the extra stuff:

I don’t do this type of thing often (or ever) but I am so desperate for answers it hurts. My ex-boyfriend, my first real, deep, love, dumped me unexpectedly about 3 weeks ago. We’re still really young (22 and 23).  I am over the initial depression. I can get up and function and keep moving, unlike how I was in the first week. But what still haunts me is why he said he ended it.

Everything was going really well, I thought, when all of a sudden he just sat me down and told me that he loves me and that he cares about me and that I’m the best girlfriend he’s ever had, but for some reason he’s just not “feeling it” with me. He just said that at some point toward the end of our year long relationship, he realized he didn’t see a future with me. He didn’t know why he felt this way, and it frustrated him because he didn’t want to break up with me because our relationship was so good, but the doubt crept over him until he felt himself starting to pull out commitment wise. He said that I deserved someone who loved me as much and as well as I loved him. He also said that there was nothing I could do to change his mind, and that the problem laid entirely with him and had nothing to do with me.

I have had my “closure talk” with him, so the initial shock and emotion had about a week to settle in so I could hear this information with a clear head, so this is as good of information as I can give you. He said it had nothing to do with wanting anyone else or anything like that, he just felt doubt from an unidentifiable source.

What does this mean? Why does a person have a sudden change of heart? There were times I was unhappy throughout the relationship because I gave 1000% of myself to him and there were times that I didn’t feel it reciprocated and I felt taken for granted—but I always thought it could be overcome with time. The way we started was rocky (casual sex and I caught feelings, he was reluctant to date me but eventually came around). Does that have something to do with it? He loved (loves?) me, but is there a way that I could have loved him too much? Or committed too much? He and I talked about moving in together and getting a pet in the next year or two. Is it possible that two people who are so compatible and get along so well and care about each other so much just..aren’t meant to be for some cosmic, magic reason?

I really need your help. I don’t know what to do and all I want is answers and maybe him back in my life whether that’s as a friend or as a significant other again. We are currently not speaking as per everyone’s advice on getting someone to realize what they lost, but with my situation I don’t even know if it’s effective. Thank you