You are experiencing grief over the loss of a relationship that meant so much to you. From my own experiences with break-ups and loss, I feel like whatever knowledge you think might bring you relief won’t. It sounds like ending it was the best thing for you long-term, and now you are stuck with the sadness, loss, anger, bargaining, etc. associated with the grieving process. Grief has it’s own timeline, and takes as long as it takes. I suggest lots of self-care and distraction. Meditation is good for getting a handle on the rumination. Get out with your friends (or make new ones) and have some fun, distract yourself, see that there are other things in the world, and people out there that are able to care about your feelings. A support group, such as Alanon (for the friends and family of alcoholics) may help give you perspective on your ex’s drinking problem and distorted thinking, and perhaps give you some peace. What happens to him at this point is his own business, and whether he feels the loss of your relationship or not won’t change your pain. Eventually your pain will subside, and you will look at this situation with a clearer eye and be glad you are no longer a part of a relationship that was inconsistent and not making you your best person. Concentrate on yourself, and allow yourself time to grieve. Good luck, and don’t forget that there are many people out there that care about you, and many people who have been where you are and recovered.