It’s correct that I stayed too long in a marriage that hurt my emotional well-being.  At the time I believed I was being true to my wedding vows and I kept telling myself things would get better.  It’s also correct that I do not want to repeat this same mistake.  I’m now trying to have healthy boundaries and acknowledge that it’s OK for me to have things I want and need.  I don’t see how this translates to demanding and needy with my boyfriend.

How do I heal childhood wounds of abandonment?  Thanks for your time.

I have a similar situation.  I am 62 and my ex-boyfriend is 61.  My friends and family describe me as positive, smart, strong and beautiful.  I am not over demanding or needy.  We had been together for 3 1/2 years.  Throughout the time he traveled for work and to visit his family in another state.  The traveling was hard on me.  I felt this intense grief (beyond just missing him) when he was gone, which I didn’t understand at the time.  For the past 1 1/2 years he has lived in another state (even bought a house there) in order to care for his son ( aged 24) who has serious issues.  The entire time I have felt intense joy when we’re together and intense sadness/grief when he is away.  I believe he is trying to move back here, but he already missed his first deadline and now in addition to sadness/grief, I feel anger/resentment and loss of trust.  I want to believe in the bright future I so want with him but this relationship is so hard on me.  He doesn’t see it this way.  He says he just needs a little more time to help his son and then he can move back.  I feel like this will never end because his son has serious issues.  I don’t expect him to choose between me and his son but I’m tired of not being a priority.  Then I feel guilty because his son is truly in need of help.  In addition, my marriage of 36 years ended because my husband was mentally ill and refused to get help.  This caused him to be psychologically abusive to me and this current situation is rubbing all the old wounds.  As I write I realize how hopeless this all sounds. He also has this dysfunctional enmeshment with his ex-wife.  They have to communicate because of their son.   It’s been about a month since we broke up and I still cry every day.  I cannot believe I’m alone this far down the line as the song goes.  I keep thinking about the good times and my question is this….am I holding on to a good man or just the dream of what I wanted?  Do I really miss him or am I just terrified of being alone?  I’m trying to reframe the whole thing with the idea that love is never wasted and I’m thankful for all I’ve learned and the ways I’ve grown in this relationship.   The thought of creating a dating profile is overwhelming.  The thought of sitting here alone is no good either.  I have tons of friends and a close family but I want a partner to share my life.  Any advice is appreciated.