Typo: “My relationship with my parents WAS somewhat fine”

Dear Anita,

It’s not an obsession. Really, it isn’t.

Shingles is a horrible condition and extremely painful: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shingles

Though it wasn’t a physical pain comparable to shingles, the LOSS was as intense.

My relationship with my parents were somewhat fine, if not perfect. Parents would discourage us from pursuing our dreams and desires. They were overprotective to a fault and very strict.

Hi Anita,

Just this pain of loss of the ONE MAN I callously and stupidly removed from my life. Just that.

Good morning, by the way. Just had a dream of him and in the dream he surprisingly spoke to me but was still somewhat distant.

It was still a great draeam for me. Pathetic, yes, but I’ll take it still.

Thank you very much, Anita.

God give me strength!

Whoa, I just received your response immediately after I logged back in.

Anita, I stand corrected and I apologize. You being direct is what I needed being a New Yorker, we should be used to directness and sarcasm.

I guess it’s the “If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were”.

Won’t lie to you but the feelings I have seem to be authentic, but I guess they can be reversed:

HOPE – DENIAL
LOVE – OBSESSION

Hi Inky.

Thanks for replying and the idea that he may have used the whole “white lie” as a pretext to wanting to break up did cross my mind. However, I was the one who wronged him and to my eternal shame and regret. I have to admit that I was impulsive with my actions given that I had, prior to being with him, so many issues with family, friends, finances and career opportunities.

Again those were NOT GOOD EXCUSES.

His cousin forgave me and understood that I was just a big bag of unstable emotions that got released at an unfortunate time. She told me to “Fix Myself Up First” before doing anything else. Who knows, by then his heart and mind would be more open to the idea of reconciliation and me making amends.

“Stalking” – I have to admit that I have been doing that, but only to be able to catch a glimpse of him. “You only learn the importance of someone once they are gone.” I miss him and I love him so very much.

There was actually a period wherein I didn’t try to contact him and that was from 2013-2015. That was during the time I had a short-lived relationship with a girl, which ended on good terms. I guess that I learned from my stupidity with the guy.

“Grieve for Him and pretend that he is dead” isn’t a possibility and “way too late for that now” is more like “delayed for now”.

I made a conscious decision to finally MOVE ON and LET GO to go FIX MYSELF s I am a wreck. Maybe…after 2-10 years, he’ll be ready to truly forgive me. You are correct that what I did was vile, but I can’t believe myself that I did what I did to him.

To Add, when I spoke to his cousin since she knows about what happened and didn’t really want to be involved in his personal business:

“I know it’s harsh but i think he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. Just concentrate then.. On living your life without him…Meet new friends.” (I’ve met and made a lot of new friends)

When I asked if he would eventually agree to meet and reconcile:

“That’s up to him. You can hope all you want but you have to accept the harsh truth that for right now, he doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

2008-Present