Jennifer Breniff

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  • in reply to: Grieving as a Spiritual person: Is it what you expected? #31238
    Jennifer Breniff

    When I lost my mother there was no time to grieve as my husband was also dying of cancer.  He passed only a short time after my mother’s passing.There was so much to do after my husband’s death because we owned our own business and I was left to fill those shoes on my own. In some ways I felt I needed to move forward to show my 4 adult children that I would be strong.  Strong for their Dad and strong for them.  I put my true feelings aside and felt their pain.   It wasn’t until 4 years had passed that the word “grief” even registered with me.  Up until then, it was just a word.  I honestly didn’t know what it meant or what grief felt like.  I had already cried from the bottom of my soul.  I wondered, is this grief?

    .  I remember only a few days after my husband’s funeral I was sitting at the graveside of my mother and husband.  A women passing by asked if the graves I was visiting were close to me.  I told her yes, one was my mother and one was my husband of 34 years.  Her response was: “Well honey, it doesn’t get any better… And your life will forever be changed.”   In that moment, I felt overwhelmed.  I judged this woman as being very negative.  But 6 years have gone by and I can now validate that losing another does change your life.  The part I don’t agree on is that the pain of loss doesn’t get any better.After I spent 12 weeks in a grieving group it helped me to “Complete my Pain”. I learned that two people can experience the same loss, such as a mother or both lose a husband, and their grief will be experienced completely different.  That is why when someone tells you they know how you feel it is not so comforting.  Your loss , your pain, is yours. It belongs to you and only you can complete it.

    Through a series of written assignments and sharing not only  experiences but positive and negative memories of my lifetime with my husband, I slowly completed my pain.   Grief  is more than just a word to me now.  It is more than crying from the bottom of my soul. It is validating and expressing the good, the bad, and any unspoken words between you and the person you have lost.    Death is a part of our life journey.  Each and every one  of us will eventually experience  death. For those  To lose a loved one? Yes, it hurts like no other pain but life does get better.  Today I feel very comforted by my brushes of sadness. Sometimes they are soft brushes and other times they hit like a title wave. It is in these moments that I feel my mothers love and I feel the closeness of my husband.  They will always be with me.  If that is grief then I don’t ever want it to leave me completely.

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