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jess

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  • #378676
    jess
    Participant

    Dear Anita and TeaK

    The mocking/made fun of definitely started before I was 12.  I’ve never felt such positive connection with this family member so I believe even before the mocking started there was not much support and positivity coming from this connection.

    My parents have always been nice. My dad a little bit disengaged though. They have always provided support but not always the right support for ‘me’. They are their own people, they have their own lives, jobs, my other siblings to take care of. So I’m not resentful for that at all.

    But yes Teak as you mentioned I always felt more connected and closer with my friends. I felt like they understood me better. I remember feeling a little bit more emotionally interdependent from my parents and less family orientated than a lot of peers. for me family was always the people who treat your nicely and care and for me, and that was my friends.

    when I was 12 I went overseas for a couple of weeks without my direct family. I went to visit some extended family. When I came back my friends didn’t ask alot about my trip. I was really disappointed but it also made me realise that unlike me their lives hadn’t changed for the space of a couple weeks. That when I left nothing much changed for them.

    its sounds self centred but when your little you think the world revolves a bit around you, your not so aware of other people. I guess that experience made me realise that the world doesn’t revolve around me and it also made me feel like the people who were supposed to care (my friends) didn’t. A lot of people go through this realisation, its apart of growing up, realising how everyone around your is living their own life. Its how we also learn to have empathy for others. But I guess it made an impact on me none the less.

    I definitely started to feel a bit more detached from everything after that moment.

    #378621
    jess
    Participant

    Dear anita

    thankyou, I had never heard of Recurrent brief depression before. I read some articles about it since you commented and do definitely relate to some of the symptoms listed. The next step would probably to go see someone about it. It’s so strange though, RBD doesn’t come up on many websites pages about depression. It seems not to be very common.

    Dear TeaK

    A couple things happened when I was 12 I guess. I became really disinterested/disengaged with school. I guess I experienced a couple ‘rejections’ so to speak but all in all, I had a good group of friends.  I did get mocked/made fun of a lot by some family members. This increased during high school  so it definitely contributed to my insecurities. I feel like that empty and grey feeling that immerged when i was 12 kind of popped out of nowhere. I was told that puberty can affect your hormones and your mood, but if so i don’t know why i’m still experiencing this feeling at 21.

    Even though I got mocked at home, I feel like everything started to go downhill with the onset of this empty feeling when I was 12. It was kind of always there in the background and made it harder to grow resilient and bounce back from problems. So the more mistakes and failures I made the worst I felt. It was a bit of an avalanche effect. I slowly forgot what it felt like to be passionate or hopeful towards things.

    I feel different today because i did a lot of reflecting and steering my life in a direction I’m happy with. 60 percent of the time its ok. Unfortunately the rest of the time is in these slow and emotionally draining slumps that happens somewhat regularly. it Really feels like out of my control. Often nothing much has set it off, or something very small.

    #378292
    jess
    Participant

    Dear anita

    ahh yess, my mistake. I will do that shortly

    thankyou also noname, because I related to your post and it inspired me to write my own post.

    thankyou

    #378203
    jess
    Participant

    To Tiny Buddha fam

    I’ve been following this page for a while.

    I’m just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and could shed some light on how to improve the situation.

    I’ve been feeling pretty shitty since I was 12. Nothing particularly happened I just lost interest in a lot things and became pretty insecure. It got worst in high school. when I was in grade 12 (I was 17). I decided to change for the better. I’m 21 now. so much has improved. I’ve reduced so many bad habits like stress eating, maladaptive daydreaming, paranoid thinking.  I’ve implemented journaling when I’m stressed, dancing, regular exercise, balanced diet.

    I have written thousands of pages unpacking my thoughts/emotions etc, letters to people etc. I’m genuinely so invested in trying to improve the quality of my life because I don’t see the point in being alive if you don’t at least try to enjoy it.

    my work is in align with what I want to do. I do feel some sense of purpose and enjoyment with what I do. The difficulty level isn’t too much for me.

    I have seen and felt improvements in my mood and behaviours. It is easier than it used to be.

    Unfortunately about every month and a half I slump/crash. literally for 2-3 weeks. I become incapable. I can’t study, I can’t focus, I become a recluse, all the purpose and enjoyment gets sucked out of my life. Everything in my life feels like a distraction or a shitty coverup for this deep empty feeling I have.

    It used to feel really physical. I was extremely fatigued, couldn’t get out of bed. It was hard to do the basic things. I implemented some healthy coping mechanism to help pull me out of the slumps. It does work, and over the years the slumps become less and less physically exhausting. They are mostly just emotionally draining. But it still interrupts my life, work, study.

    I’ve tried to look online to find something to explain this but I can’t find anything. There are a lot of articles written about slumps but i couldn’t find anything about experiencing slumps extremely regularly.

    Its still happens now every month or so and i just want to know what it is. I genuinely really want to address it but I just don’t know why it keep on happing all the time.

    I am a girl and it does not coincide with me period. So its not hormonal I don’t think.

    when I’m not in a slump i just feel mostly normal. Obviously normal for me still feel a bit grey and empty, especially when i don’t have ‘distractions’ around me but its still liveable, i still can look forward to things and have some aspirations.

    I don’t know if I’m just impatient and it takes a while to overcome these feelings and improve your life. Its only been 3 years since I’ve been proactively trying to improve my life. Maybe that’s really not that long in the scheme of things.

    but anyways if anyone know what it is pls share, i would love to hear your experiences

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)