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Laion Pessôa

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  • #126412
    Laion Pessôa
    Participant

    Thank you so much! It made a lot of sense to me.
    Coming full circle with the mother-escaping scenario, I feel that, at some moment, especially when we started arguing over my distance, I started associating my boyfriend’s role in my life as my mother’s: he was no longer there to be my partner, having fun with me and encouraging me to go further with him in life and the world, I felt as if he was there to call me and ask me to come back home for mim… but, then, why didn’t I call him to come with me, you know? I´m realy divided trying to evaluate how much of what happened was me unsatified with my relationship or how much I was unsatisfied with my life and projecting things into it.
    My therapist told me I’m hidding behind the curtain for my parents to reach me. I´m escaping but still waiting for them to come. I dont know if I take this metaphor as a call to escape once and for all or to stop hidding behind the curtain and telling my lover how I really feel and try to get back.

    #126396
    Laion Pessôa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita! I´ve been actually reading other posts and I was hoping you would answer mine too, I saw your other entries and it really helps.
    My parents were two very narcissistic piscies, my mother being emotionally overwhelming, my father being emotionally distant. They were masters on parental alienation – especially my mather, telling me to hate eachother. My therapist says I´m trying to escape them constantly, and therefore I left home, live really far away from them and work hard to have a life were I depend on them as little as possible.
    What happened when I was without him was a very strange pattern of feeling happy and confident most of the time or anxious and self-loathing in the other. I used my single life to boost my self steem – every conquest made me love myself better. Sometimes I knew he was feeling good and complete just because I was there for him, but I still felt that, even though I was with this amazing man, I still felt that my life was incomplete, with my bad job and still unfulfilled dreams, and that investing my happiness only on him would turn me into my mother – unhappy, dependent, manipulative.
    The crazy part is that trying to escape her, I feel I´m repeting her mistakes.
    I don’t feel he (my boyfriend) understands this very well, but I feel I´m guilty for not sharing enough.

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