Hi there.
It has been 6 months now since my marriage ended and it has been a hard and painful 6 months.
I decided to change the eternal pattern of begging my husband. I stopped and broke the cycle. We have been separated now 6 months.
I am now with the other man and in a deeply loving, respectful and wonderful relationship. It is the most healthy and loving relationship of my life. He is my soulmate and i know the best thing that ever happened to me.
My happiness with him though is somewhat blighted by the intense guilt and shame i still feel for the affair, particularly as people now know about it (well, some people)

My husband has forgiven me and if anything has not reacted in a normal way to the affair. he was never angry or let any male testosterone kick in…infact , on the contrary, he has said he is glad i have found someone and shown no anger or rage. he has said he knows why it happened and doesn’t blame or hate me and wishes me happiness. He even apologized for all he put me through previously and said we were just too different.
I feel his reaction is testament to the fact he was out of the marriage a very very long time ago.

yet i still cannot forgive myself. it is the constant darkness on my mind.
I am regretful for how it all turned out and struggling to concentrate on my new reality knowing what i did to get here.

Thanks as always for listening x

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by JournoGirl.
• This reply was modified 8 years ago by JournoGirl.

it is finding the strength to finally say it is over especially if he says he wants to forgive me and try again. How do you hurt someone twice? x

No. I know this marriage is broken now and we have both broken it. It is scary and painful. it is hard to admit it is over 🙁

Thanks for coming back to me Anita and for a kind and considered response.
I just feel drained and in shock and completely low.
it is such a sad situation and it is so hard to not beg and plead forgiveness even though i know the marriage was broken beyond repair even before this
I saw a solicitor today and all feels raw and real and painful.
its hard to digest all that is happening 🙁
thanks so much for the support
x

Hi there, just an update to my situation. After my husband moved back in after leaving things have been somewhat strained. Day to day he is pretending all is ok and being pleasant and cheerful and kind. Which is lovely but after telling him i am deeply unhappy he doesn’t seem to be tuning in to my emotional needs.

He does not check in with me or ask how i’m doing even though said how unhappy i feel after he left. He pretends day to day that all is fine and i feel is burying his head in the sand. We never discuss the issues that led to his leaving. We are both avoiding it. There is no emotional connection or intimacy and we still haven’t been physically intimate in 6 months despite my saying that this must mean there is something very wrong. He doesn’t seem to be interested in me physically or being close to me in a loving way. I wonder if he is even still in love with me. i feel very disconnected from him.

I hate myself for saying this but i am still seeing the other man, which i know is awful but the way i feel for him has moved me on such a deep level that we have tried to stop but can’t. i know he wants a life with me, and wants me to be with him essentially. i have said im not ready to leave my husband and if i do it has to be because the marriage is broken beyond repair not FOR someone else. There is so much we need to discuss regarding our marriage. Why he keeps leaving or wanting to leave, why he isnt intimate with me and why he isnt doing more to check in with me or help me when i have said i am so unhappy.

Many may think i am being nieave with this other man but we are truly in love and it has touched me on a level i never knew existed. i feel my husband and i have a long way to go and i know i need to tune in to my heart and what i feel the next step is.
I have a family holiday with my husband and family in a few weeks so i will take the time to listen to my heart and maybe open up the conversation and dialogue with my husband. i feel we have both broken the marriage so much now i wonder if we can salvage anything. im not sure i even want to. 🙁 so confused

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by JournoGirl.

feeling really low. i know the marriage isn’t right for either of us and im not being emotionally fulfilled but leaving seems unbearable
the quote from Liz Gilbert’s Eat Pray love is so fitting

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving

🙁

x

thanks for the replies. it’s a very hard situation as i feel that he is not 100% into the marriage still, His words say one thing, his actions another x

Hi Anita, yes that is all correct. Thanks for your time x