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September 11, 2018 at 8:44 am #225141JozizoParticipant
Aw man. I totally understand this feeling. I think most people do. But it sounds like you’re a bit more like me than it appears many others are; in that this feeling can be really heavy at times.
The memories of our past always seem so great. Times when we didn’t have XYZ on our plates. Times when we first met so-and-so. That time when I shoved 2 hamburgers into my face hole and made my friend laugh until “omg! Milkshake is coming out of your nose!”
Now? Now I’ve got too much XYZ, and spend way less time on things that make me happy. So-and-so moved and we don’t talk as much. And at 35, gluttony plus hamburgers is not only cause for stares from fellow patrons, it’s actually a real health concern.
Either way, there are a few realizations that will help, some of which you already know.
You mention that you’ve felt this before, for a time even before. Naturally, you’ll start to see that this is a feeling that’s gonna stick with you on some level. It’s never gone away from me, and I think anyone with elders in their lives will tell you that the phrase “in my day” is thrown around like Thor’s hammer.
So, don’t try to fight that feeling. You’ll be fighting nature, and she is REALLY good. She wins like… All the time. Instead, try learn to enjoy the thoughts of your past and use them as a nice mental resting place.
First, realize why you always have that feeling. We as beings, human have a tendency to glamorize the past. We always remember those positive things, giving them far more weight than the adversities. That’s one of the reasons it’s so hard just after the end a toxic relationship when you know it’s for the best. “but duuuude. That time when we drove across state lines singing Journey songs made her perfect!”
It helps to remember that those times had their share of adversities too. That duet? Let’s not forget she had the voice of a sea lion. And most of the trip was filled to the brim with silence and resentment because SOMEBODY ate the last bag of chips and didn’t share.
You mention high school. Omg. It was great for me too. I was super fun to be around, so people loved me. And I was always smart, so school was a breeze.
But, remember that time that super mean girl said something horrible in the cafeteria and everyone heard it? Or that pressure to ace that test? They seem trivial now, but at the time, weren’t those things less than awesome?
You also mention that you felt like college was supposed to feel a certain way. Like, it’s supposed to be the best!
1. I know it can be a bit tricky, but you gotta manage that thought process. We have ideas and plans about how life is supposed to go. How things are supposed to be. But life doesn’t really have a “supposed to.” It’s wildly different for every single one of us. College is great for a lot of people. It’s horrible for others. A lot don’t even go.
2. This really IS the greatest time in your life. Not the college part, necessarily. Just…the now. Now really is the coolest time to be alive. You have a bunch of great memories (you just shared some), and you’ve got sooooo much time ahead of you. That’s super exciting!
I promise, a time is going to come and you’ll be all like “Ugh! College was great! I wish it was then, now…” This becomes especially present when you’re changing your daughter’s diaper, and your wife is saying “hold it over her until your ready or she’ll pee on you.” But you don’t listen cus you know what you’re doing. You got this. And then, 5 minutes later, you’re changing your shirt and your wife is lamenting you with “I told you so’s” Ahhh… College…
A lot of life is your frame of mind as you approach it. The narrative you write for yourself as you move along. Think life is awesome? It is. Think life sucks? It does.
Meditation really really helps. Staying present has changed my world in so many ways, ways that have impacted me unimaginably.
Remembering adversity can also put things into perspective.
But all that is sorta the general response to the feelings you have. Read it and think on it (cus these are gems I’m giving ya!). But let’s talk about you specifically.
Maybe take some time, and try to really articulate, in detail, why you feel so much affinity for your past. Was there someone in your life, but no longer? Is it the pressures of your new life? Are those hamburgers starting to catch up? Ugh, why do they do that?
Maybe write that stuff down. And when the picture is nice and clear, try to find ways to bring those aspects back to life in your world. Don’t try to recreate the life. Chasing ghosts feels good for some reason, but it isn’t because you ever get to catch them.
Missing someone? Reach out. College pressures getting heavy? Work on dealing with those pressures systematically. And Fine! We’ll switch to turkey burgers! But I’m not happy about it!
OK so I just laid down like a bazillion words, and if I don’t get this presentation done my boss is gonna give birth to a blue whale.
Let me know how things are going.