Dear Lisa,

I am new to the site but sympathize with you. I hope by hearing my story, you will find strength. At age 56, I left my home and dream job to move across the country from Florida to Oregon to be with my new husband to find out that he is an active alcoholic. Drinking every night and extremely functional: a delivery driver and artist, never missing a day of work. Making a long story short, in a short two years, I have returned to Florida twice because there was no money left and I needed work. I renovated his home with my 401k and lost everything. I came back to Florida with a negative bank balance. I have been able to rebuild and after living with a friend for 6 months, will be moving into my own condo today. The pain has been debilitating, but I have to ask how I really want to live out the rest of my life. Do I want to wait until I’m 68 with no money and realize that I need to get out from the influence of addiction? And, I had to face, finally at this age what my contribution to the disease of alcoholism is. We can’t control it, can’t cure it and didn’t cause it. But we do contribute and I hear you very much taking a look at your own stuff which is just excruciatingly painful in itself sometimes. I have joined Al Anon and find it to be lifesaving. There is a site called MarriageBuilders.com. That particular person’s view is that as a therapist, he will not continue therapy when one person is enmeshed in their addiction. They are just not able to compromise or see the other person’s point of view. I hope you find some peace. I know for me, that it has been six months since my separation and when I even feel 5 minutes of peace without obsessive thoughts of all that has happened, that I am grateful. There are times when I just want someone to just hold me while I cry and cry. If I could hug you now, I would. With love and compassion out to you, Judy.