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May 16, 2013 at 9:02 am #35702JustinParticipant
There are times John when less thinking is a good healing process. Less monkey mind. Less worry about recording thoughts or others judging if you are good or bad or you judging your own good or bad or if you should walk away or … or….
Allowing the moment to just be does take practice.
My favorite practice place for this kind of space is to sit on a sand bar in a small brook or a small boulder in a river… the gurgling sound and the idea the visual the reminder to let go and visualize everything just wash away down to the ocean to evaporate into the cloud to fall on the mountain to run down the stream past me again and the circle of everything found in the moment of nothing.
Namaste and thank you for reminding me that I could use a good sit on a boulder in a river time myself.May 15, 2013 at 3:17 pm #35651JustinParticipant
Judgement is a tricky thing. Judging others and judging self, judging dreams and judging the moment.
The item to meditate on is the red flags. Are these flags such as spending habits, eating habits, rudeness, lack of kindness, too talky with out listening or too much silence without sharing… these are flags that one really gets pretty quick as in first to third date. Once you set in with a person are you both approaching building friendship and adventures or bonding and connection through intellectual endeavors? The trick is that I am finding in my dance of similar kind is that so far of the host of dates I have been on in the last six months I could tell right away if this was even friend material interaction. Those are clear. The hard one was where we both really connected and a week later she said with authenticity ‘you look too much like my ex-husband.’ BOOM. Dang.
At this juncture I have had one marriage and one long term relationship that was like marriage without the paper document and now at this point with my one child twenty-five percent through high school… I am not looking for the one or any thing other than authentic moments.
If the authentic moments with consenting joyful woman translate into one partner for the next fifty years I will be very content. I also will be content with no relationship or content with a few short or mid duration relationships as long as they are authentic. This is the key. To live in the moment without judgement and authentically be you and present your hopes and dreams and address fears with courage and be willing to compromise and set boundaries and self care and nurture… that is all you can hope for.
Try not to judge or to say I want to find the one. That is like saying I am meditating and am now enlightened. As soon as we judge the now we fall of the enlightenment horse or as soon as we say well … you are not THE ONE… our judgements get in the way of allowing.
It is a conundrum. Indeed.
It is said that no one is perfect so ask yourself if the flaws of the other person are ok enough that you can work with knowing that she is working with your flaws as well and if you both are authentically being a team … whether the relationship lasts months years or decades is…. well really … don’t worry about what if… just be happy be authentic be non judgmental and be compassionate.
If we are so blessed we will find a person who shares similar hopes and dreams and lifestyle mores and is willing to make authentic commitment to being real as a team for as long as it lasts.
If one or both individuals change to a point of just not working… the ability to part as friends with respect is right there…
I will let you know how this works out for me… call me in forty years…. ( I am 46)