Hi Eliza,

I am feeling much the same way as you are. I was in a relationship for 8 years and we were engaged to be married. He was a recovering alcoholic and I met him when he was newly sober. We met in AA. He had a rough time and had tried recovery many times and never made it. I had been sober all my adult life. We had a great relationship for about 3 years and then he stopped going to his meetings and I noticed a huge change. He became very moody and even though we had had a great relationship, or so I thought, he broke up with me saying that he had changed; this was after about 6 years. He gave me no explanation at all and I was devastated for almost a year. I was never able to get over him and for me this was the love of my life. My family and friends had been a bit skeptical from day one but I love him so much and was willing to do whatever it took to be together. After a year he contacted me and told me that he had held on to resentments and wasn’t talking about things with me and was instead, stuffing them. He was resentful. He told me it was all a mistake and that he loved me and wanted to live his life with me. We became engaged again. I didn’t tell my family or friends because they saw all the pain I went through for this man. A month ago he started drinking again and lied to me. I asked him, since I could smell alcohol, and he always denied it but he ended up telling me in a text that he was detoxing in a hospital and that it was over. He broke up with me by text. He hasn’t been willing to talk face to face. I had helped him get a job at one point and so we work together and this is so hard for me. I love this man despite what he has put me through. My therapist says that I projected all me good feeling onto him and that I wasn’t seeing things clearly. The people I work with tell me he is a loser but I just can’t see him that way. I am devastated. Last time my devastation was ended because we got back together but now I have to believe what my friends and family are telling me. I need to realize this man is not good for me and yet I still love him so much and when it is good it is very good. I haven’t contacted him once since we broke up which is huge for me. I know I need to let go but I love him so much that I can’t imagine a life without him. I know it will get better but I believe it will talk a long time. I am in counseling and am listening to a super great CD called Guided Imagery for Heartbreak, Abandonment and Betrayal. It is helping me quite a bit. You can get it through health journeys.com I listen to that at least once a day and I think it has helped. I make it through my work day without tears but cry in my car all the way home. When I read your post my heart just went out to you because I feel much the same as you do. It has only been about 45 days since he broke up with me and went into detox for alcohol. I want so much to be part of his recovery but he doesn’t want that. Anyway, my heart goes out to you and I am so sorry you are going through this loss. My grief is deep as well because it is really the same as a death. I saw him today from a distance and I don’t know why he isn’t having a hard time with our separation. He always told me how much he wanted a life with me. I’m starting to ramble so I will stop but I wish you the best and I hope it is true that time can help with the healing process.

Kathy