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March 7, 2020 at 2:15 pm #342014KCParticipant
Anita my friend, I call you friend because – well, because you’re here! I’m an introvert who loves being an introvert, and a fan of simplifying everything. More peace, less stress is my mantra for 2020 and beyond.
Now about your inner struggle. I’m expressing this reply from a been-there-experienced-that perspective and hope it clicks with you on some level. First, just a thought (perhaps this is a quote somewhere, but I just put the words in my own head so here goes): Too much focus on arriving on time at the right destination will prevent you from appreciating the wonders along the route of your journey.
You live at home with parents. So what? Use this time to gather your strength, build a bit of financial cushion, and generally “patch your boat” before you set sail again. As for your trouble connecting with the right people, the ones you deem interesting: is it perhaps that you are trying to hard to BE interesting to them? For some of us, there is so much passion within about Science, Art, Music, the Environment, and whatever label you give to things-that-truly-matter-to-you, that it comes across as odd when we try to be more like the social-norm we see in others. It won’t ring true, and others who ARE “socially successful” will cringe at the thought of befriending someone who does not enhance their image. I stopped trying to fit-into that mold years ago, and simply embraced the fact that I am an outlier on the social bell curve. I have very few friends, and my relationships aren’t the endorphin-producing thrill rides that I imagine others to have. That’s fine with me. Instead, I have become satisfied the quiet and comfortable friendship of self-exploration, learning new things, and observing the wonders of life on this planet. Yes, I have a job (a boring job) that is nothing like the arts-sciences path I had imagined for myself when I was young, and to add another layer of discomfort, I have to listen to co-workers drivel on about, well, things-that-don’t-matter-to-me. Every now and then I try to add a couple of comments to the mix, just to stay loosely connected, but then I go back inside my head (or headphones) where I can listen to nature sounds, great music, or podcasts about things that DO really matter to me. Anyway, this approach, for me, allows me to observe so much that socially-busy people miss. Their loss.
Back to you though. You’ve done a lot of interesting things! Look back at your post and pick out all the experiences you listed. Your journey isn’t over. Just keep going. You may not be at the destination you had originally in mind, but continue your journey with a new mindset of just enjoying the sights that interest you along the way. As you do so, you’ll probably find a select few others enjoying those same sights. Reach out to the ones that seem more like the outliers on the social bell curve. You’ll find them more eager to connect on that deeper level, about things-that-matter-most.
And your break-up that made you sad? Well, it sure sounds like the person who turned out to be less than genuine, is someone you really don’t want in your life anyway. Be grateful that the universe didn’t stick you with someone who would’ve eventually made you miserable. I traveled that path for WAY too long in the past, and learned the hard way that staying with someone just to try and hang on the initial thrill is a big mistake. Instead of looking at it like you were rejected, or the relationship failed, instead think of it as you being saved from what surely would have become a miserable match.
I’ve gone on too long. Be Good to Yourself! You deserve it. Don’t count on others to be good to you, when you can be your own best care-giver. Keep reminding yourself of that. And always, always keep your passions alive, even if it’s just learning new ways to embrace them.