sorry, after i started this, i completely lost track (forgot), my apologies. i am curious if these forums stay pretty active, these days.

What our family (and me, personally) has gone through in the last few years has been tough. It is a lot of work and as with children, constant change, moods, growth, and often times frustration. our situation in the last six months has changed dramatically and not without a “price”. i wrote this:http://tinybuddha.com/blog/behind-great-anger-is-great-pain-dont-take-it-personally/ and since then, we have managed to survive some really really painful times. last september (2013), my bonus daughter (step) moved out in an act of anger. it was an incredibly rough experience for us all but things have calmed down and fallen into place since. there is a considerable amount of peace and structure, that we have never felt before. she hasn’t spoken to her father since she moved out (and hasn’t contacted her half-brother who is 12) and continues to hate/blame me (and my daughter) for her anger. it’s a heavy thing to bear, even when you know the issue began before, exists still without you, and will never change unless she chooses to recognize her role in her own life and happiness. i have to be okay with that, support my husband through it and move forward.

in regards to parenting step-children/blended families and “discipline”. I have learned that, unless you blend at a very young age, there will always be a “resistance” or struggle to finding one’s role. the other parent’s involvement/behavior/support is also KEY. i read once that a step-parent should leave major “disciplining” to the biological parent and the bonus parent should take on more of a supportive aunt/uncle type role, in a sense. sounds bizarre or “lazy” and not sure how much truth it bears but there is a very fine line in this parenting role, it’s a hard balance. there should of course, ALWAYS be a parent/child type of respect/relationship but there is an invisible boundary that gets crossed or a nerve that gets struck…it opens up or leads to other issues, you may have not expected. you have to always keep in mind, the child’s story, past, experiences, trust issues, feelings, etc. as well as your own respectable needs.

it doesn’t have to be hard, it can be beautiful — every situation is different. lots of communication with your partner is most important.

really great, all of your work! thanks for sharing!

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