Hi Zenhen 🙂

I am going through the same thing–in fact, I am really learning a lot about myself through astrology, and it has been amazing! It is incredibly helpful for me and has allowed me to look at myself from a completely different perspective. The past couple of months have been extremely challenging as I have been going through a lot of changes, and learning to find my true self while letting go of old belief patterns that were limiting me in the past. It has been an intense roller coaster but I am working my way through it. I find myself beating myself up a lot for things I did in the past and have a lot of regrets. For many years I struggled with depression and anxiety and did a lot of self destructive things. My ego mind likes to remind me of this quite often and it can be very frustrating. When I think of the quote about the secret of change–I interpret it as focusing on who you want to be, or how you want to see yourself, and working toward that, rather than fighting your old ways/thought patterns and beliefs. For me, I have been focusing on where I would like to see myself a year from now–even a month from now. I try to envision where I want to be, how I would like to feel, and try to focus all of my energy on creating that, rather than thinking about the past and beating myself up. There is another quote I like that says : “The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are”–unknown.
This transition has been really challenging for me but one thing I find that has been helping is to just have faith in myself, and believe that I can create a better future. I really believe that we create our own realities and can do anything we put our minds to. For the longest time I couldn’t see this, and my old belief patterns didn’t help. I am still struggling to let them go but it is getting a little easier with time. I have really been learning the importance of patience, because I tend to be very impatient by nature. Sometimes I feel that I will be stuck in this transition phase forever, because it feels like it will never end, and has been very painful. That’s when having faith helps me. I know that this won’t last forever and that it is happening for a reason. Hang in there, I hope you find everything you are looking for!

🙂 Kaya

Hi Jaques,

Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I felt the same way growing up, I always had a hard time with fitting in and it caused a lot of anxiety and depression. I struggled with it for years and used alcohol as well as anti-depressants to avoid my insecurities. Eventually I stopped because like you, I knew I was just suppressing my emotions and prolonging my issues, so I decided to face my fears and insecurities. I’m still in the process and it’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Like you, I feel really disconnected from society–we live in a world of illusion and it is so easy to get caught up in things like appearance, money, social status, etc. but that really is not who we truly are. For a long time I tried to find things outside of myself to make me happy (by focusing on my appearance, being in relationships), but you are right, they don’t make you happy because true happiness only comes from within. I’ve always felt a deep connection with nature and animals as well, so that has been therapeutic for me. I have been practicing meditation which has also been really helpful–often times when we able to silence everything else in our lives, we can find the answers from within ourselves. I know that learning to love and accept myself is the key to my happiness–I feel that once I fully embrace myself, everything else will just fall into place. I have learned that it takes time and patience, as well as persistence. But being aware, like you are, is the first step to change. Have compassion for yourself for realizing this and hang in there. You can do it!