Forum Replies Created
January 27, 2019 at 7:53 pm #277291
I say time is the best solution at this point because my sister seems to want some distance. Keep poking at that alligator and it will snap back. When I was referring to time, I was not referring to months or even years. I was not clear in that statement but I was figuring on giving her at least a month to chill.
To answer your questions:
1. My sister has expressed resentment not only to my parents but to me. Which is why I am very confident about what I said earlier about my parents not treating her equally.
2. I do not think there is any justification for my parent’s actions. I think it just happens. I cannot fathom a reason why they would purposely do it other than seeing results from one child rather than the other. In other words, parents may feel that when one child does not show efforts toward reaching a certain goal but another child does, it would be more reasonable to put their energy into the one who will be more promising. I am not condoning this behavior or defending their choices. I cannot answer for them.January 26, 2019 at 6:22 pm #277113
She is a little over a year older than me. While we have half-siblings, they are basically not a part of our life. We grew up close to our cousins but at one point, we stopped being so close. So basically, it was always my sister and I.
I know my parents treated me better. I do not know why. I think it is because I always did well in school and seemed to succeed in my career more than she. It still does not excuse anything. I think my sister also noticed that I got along well with my parents and my mother showed me more affection because I treated my mother with more respect and kindness than my sister.
At family events, after we all hit a certain age, my sister would always hog my cousins from me. Making me feel like I was always the one to be left out. I have acknowledged that I am more awkward than my sister and more emotional than she. And she has always pointed that out. I know she will tell me that I am awkward, socially inept to hurt me and not to help me. Even though my sister tends to do well socially, I always had more close friends than her. I was always doing stuff while she preferred to stay home or hang out with her boyfriends (nothing wrong with that but even being awkward, I make the most out of life).
Being the young sibling, my sister always picked on me. Put me down. Treated me like I was inferior. Even in high school she acted like I did not exist in the beginning. My sister points out that I have lost friends because I am a mean person. I have lost boyfriends because of this and that. And I have shot back at her many times when we got into fights. My sister always had to be right, so the moment I learned to stand up for myself, the more she learned to hurt my self-esteem.
But there were many more good times we shared. It is difficult. At the end of the day, even if people believe me to be in the wrong, I am tried to fix this. And she stuck up her nose and told me she wanted us to spend time apart. On one hand, it is reasonable for her to want everyone to cool down, but on the other hand, it is her way of continuing to hurt me by pushing me out of her life. And call me the bad person. I do not think there is any solution other than time at this point.January 25, 2019 at 11:38 pm #276987
Also, to add. I miss my sister. I want to talk to her. We had a very good relationships with few fights here and there.
This is really hard for me. But I also do not want to go out of my way and apologize for nothing.January 25, 2019 at 12:37 pm #276941
Sorry for the lack of response on this. I wanted to give myself some time away from the topic so I can let things cool rather than have things simmer in my head. Something I have always tried to do is remove myself from the issue so when I reenter, I have a new, fresher perspective.
After mulling over this with a bit of a clearer perspective, I think I am reacting more with my emotions than with reason. I have always had a type of competitive vibe with my sister (something I feel that most siblings experience). My sister has attempted to date an ex (V) in the past and with that one, I was ok with it. I thought it was weird but did not feel any jealous toward the situation. That never worked (hence “attempted”). My sister had also reached out to another ex of mine (Dan) for a ride home from a party when her ride was intoxicated and she needed a safe ride home. She was not capable of driving herself but she also did not have a vehicle. She did have friends she could have reached out to, she always had our parents (she was under 21 but my parents made it clear it would be safer to have us contact them for a ride than risking our life by driving home or riding with another intoxicated friend, etc.), and she had her own boyfriend who did not go to the party and could have gone with her. Also, this was when I was with the guy and we were in a fight at the time so I did not know until way later. Even more, she would text Dan (during and after our breakup).
When I think over these actions of hers, it makes me feel frustrated. I do not understand why my sister ignores boundaries. I have never done anything like this to her. I always respected that boundary, as anyone should do.
I know that Kyle said they are talking as friends at this moment, so maybe it really isn’t anything. Which is why I said maybe I am being immature. Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion. I do know that Kyle is fighting for that friendship with my sister. I do know that they find each other both attractive and my guy instinct is telling me that something is going on but I cannot say or assume what.
But, I also cannot help but feel sad for my sister. Her recent breakup has definitely scarred her. And I know she has been latching onto many guys as a way to fill that void. She met Kyle, who is a really good and attractive guy. Kyle showed interest in her. And maybe since she knew I was happy with Kyle and still friends with Kyle, he would make a good partner. But these are all assumptions. I have no true idea what is going on. For all I know, my sister doesn’t even like him anymore.
But after I tried to talk things out with her, by waving my white flag, by handing her the olive branch, she snapped that olive branch and told me she wants nothing to do with me. I really have no clue at this point of what is going on between my sister and Kyle. My sister has made it clear that I have treated her like “sh*t” this whole time and is tired of my “crap.” I have no reason at this moment to try to amend things when she is refusing to even try herself.