Hi there Anita, thank you 🙂    the wales idea is a very much one I will continue to explore!! My refusal to the council for emergency accommodation the housing officer has now put me in touch with a housing association who have offered me a 2 bedroom flat, it is very cheap and I could sign a 6 month contract! I have felt very free this past month or so as I have been able to visualise a better future for myself and my son ! I do not have any permanent place in wales unfortunately after enquiring and I wonder if I decline this offer of a flat I will put myself in a difficult circumstance, I am very torn but feel that possibly the flat would give me short term security while I look at the wales option. The council are saying this is my last offer and I am aware of the time I have left staying at friends. The flat is clean and close to friends still, I just feel upset, I don’t know why !! My friend has said if I feel safe in the flat and it is secure I could just stay there for 6 months until I have a set plan, which is very true, I just feel a bit heartbroken. Anyway the council want a reply today, the flat is new and clean and very safe but it is an overhaul no matter how long you are somewhere, bills , etc. anyway thank you for listening Lynda

Gosh Anita, that gives me great confidence that I can be the best parent I can be, whatever my situation. Thank you I suppose giving your child your love and your time is the best gift you can give them Lynda

Hi Anita

I just just looking over your last advice as right now I need to calm myself. I managed to move out of that flat and I handed over the keys to the landlord. He was very difficult and aggressive and although I am glad it is all over and I am out of there with everything that happened, I am physically and mentally exhausted and very emotional/depressed. My friend has told me this is normal after a move and I am trying to remain positive, I just don’t feel myself this past few days trying to get everything sorted and look after my son has been very hard. I am very scared, I know, it was a move in the right direction, I just do not know where I will be next Friday…..my friend is back next Friday and I will need to find somewhere else to go. I have applied through the local council to see if I am eligible for emergency accommodation till I get myself sorted and I am presented with so many forms. My friend has said we can housesit for her when she travels again in July till October so I have a option there.

What is the best way to handle situation when you feel it is not in your control, If I go down the emergency council route I may end up somewhere far from where my son and I have always lived. I don’t know. I am going to keep asking people I know if they know anything and see what is out there. Events that can happen in life can feel very much out of our control but then I suppose it is how I deal with it and how I move forward. I think I stayed far too long in that situation , as you know, and now I am depressed, it is not easy when you feel ill and just need rest, but then I have the power too to try and deal with my anxiety and be honest with what I need.

I just wanted to share that with someone, I value our communication, I have been through a lot and at times feel very lonely.

Lynda

Hi there Anita,

Just thought I would write to see if you resonate with what is on my mind at the moment and also as a catch up. I am in the process of moving out of the flat as you know , and am finding that a little stressful as well as looking after a 4 year old and also doing some volunteering, sometimes it is finding those little moments to be able to sit and listen and be mindful /meditate and try and calm the stress. I find this difficult with the demands of life but am trying my best and trying not too put so much pressure on myself knowing that my anxiety could flare.

I think taking the first step of moving out and letting those around who care about me help me has opened some floodgates for my emotionally and am looking at my past pattern of depression/anxiety and past events. And sometimes this can be overwhelming.

I am in need now of doing something for myself, something which means I can have an outlet I enjoy and that I am good at and takes me away from motherhood. I left university I started and stopped the same course twice!! I think it was due to depression. I really want to use the skills and the knowledge I have gained still but because I left it means that its difficult to know the next step. Usually if someone finishes a degree they than go on to apply for jobs or go on to do further study.

I did dance in university and so having learned some things academically I feel I would like to use those skills with something else. I love the idea of dance movement therapy and have watched my son move about dancing and thought …..mmmm I wonder if I should start a dance tots group or something similar….I than can overthink it a bit much, which I recognise. But I would love to use the movement/dance theory I learned in addition to something else that I could start!! Maybe starting doing something to do with fitness or becoming a teaching assistant and learning more about child development and then specialising in movement as way to progress. I have so many ideas and it makes me sad that I have lost my way a little and my confidence has dropped. I love reading about all these things have bought books and looked online at little courses and I suppose I just need some guidance, to pull away from the big picture a little and focus on simple small steps!!

I am on the path of one step at a time…..its breaking all those things down at the moment I think I am having some trouble with .

Anyway maybe I just need to continue my self-care for now too

Hope you are well 🙂

Hi anita

Yes that’s exactly the conclusion I have come to since writing this post 🙂 I have started small already and have taken on board that it is a process and will take some time. but I will stick to it because its more important that I like myself than worry about other people liking me ! 🙂 I just need to get my strength back and start very simply , meditating more, reading self help books on my inner negative thinking, doing yoga and eating well. That could be a good start as well as maybe trying to find a therapist 🙂

Thank you Anita 🙂

Hi anita

So I just wanted to share with you the good news, friends who I volunteer with are away for a month and a half and have said I can live at there flat 🙂 !! It is above a shop so is quiet!! It is not far from where my flat is so it means I can give my landlord a months notice and take the month to repair anything that is broken, stop all bills etc etc and I will not have to rush anywhere else to far for now!! I am trying to only think of one or two steps ahead and seeing this as an opportunity for me to get back on my feet and a breathing gap for myself and my son to have a quiet break.

They are back end of may but go away again July to October so would be able to go back there if I have have not found anywhere, but its all looking like I am not on my own and I can rest for while, catch up on sleep and my son will still see his friends for a little while longer!!

Thank you for your advice it really helped 🙂

Hi anita,

YOu are absolutely right, moving out is the first step, my mind is everywhere at the moment, I feel ill with it all, today has so far been a blur I have even forgotten to drop my son off at pre school, I wanted to get out the flat as soon as possible and so I took my son with me early this morning and we have only just got back and I am shaking with anxiety over it. I am just trying to centre myself but I think you are right I need to leave here asap, I have to give a months notice to leave and wales is in a month. I have been looking here also, only money is a big issue at the moment and so its been difficult with my state of mind and also to find somewhere that’s within my budget.

Friends here in the area I live now are keeping there ears open in case there is anything around here but I think my priority is to leave this flat at all costs, one of the tenants swore at me in the street yesterday and I was with my son. It is all just too much. My only worry is that I am leaving my friends I have made here to go to wales but I suppose I can always come back. My other worry is that I will go to Wales and after a couple of weeks want to leave and have no where to go but I suppose that’s just a fear .

Thank you Anita I appreciate your advice