Thank you Inky, adarsh and vesper for your kind words. They mean a lot. Yes anita, My parents kind of kept to themselves. So anybody hardly spoke to anyone unless required. Apart from the usual, “are you hungry?” or “did you finish homework?” they rarely showed any interest in what was going on in my life. I remember an incident when I was 5 or 6. I had gotten hit my a ball while playing and my nose started bleeding.when I went home to my mom instead of consoling me she yelled at me that I deserved it for playing all day with boys.
To top it all, I am an only child. so there was no one to speak at home. My father had his own problems so he vented it out my humiliating me. And my mother never did anything to protect me from him. I was sexually abused repeatedly by a neighbor when I was 6 or 7 but I couldn’t tell it to anyone. I seriously considered committing suicide while in my teens. I know my parents are not bad people. They meant well and did their best but I always wonder how different my life would be if I were born someplace else.. somewhere better. I want to straighten things out in my life but I just dont know where or how to begin. It feels like just a big mess.