Yes you’re probably right, he’ll probably drink and pretend nothing has happened. He did a very good job of pretending nothing is the matter last time so I’m sure he’ll do just fine this time round too! I’m proud to say that I have now blocked him to avoid any drunken messages as I know that’ll ruin my weekend and send my anxiety through the roof! So yes, little steps forward!

How are you feeling this evening? Are you keeping yourself busy?

Shelby,

It’s never too late to reach out! Although I understand the struggle as I would often make plans in the process and regret them the moment I left the house. I found that being social with family or friends didn’t bring me any joy but rather dread.. Dread of having to put on a brave face and pretend that I am happy!

Download Netflix! Even if it is for the month free trial, get yourself some snacks and get into a series. Before you know it the weekend will be over and done with! – I know this sounds so sad but Netflix has literally been a God send for me these last few weeks!

He won’t be attending to the wedding thankfully! But as you can imagine I will get asked a whole load of questions from mutual friends about his whereabouts so I’m not looking forward to that!

Hi Shelby,

Sorry to hear about your struggle this morning! Try to just breathe it out.. Focus your mind on something else. I know we’ve already agreed that anything we try to do is meaningless and silly but nonetheless it is a coping mechanism. Distraction seems to be my best friend nowadays so that is the only thing I can suggest for you this morning!

In regards to your previous post, it is really interesting to hear about your previous break up as it does also hit home for me. Although the reason for our break up was different, we did experience the same issues throughout our relationship, I perhaps just didn’t pay that much attention to them because as you say, I practiced patience and thought whatever we had was enough for me!

When he decided to re-appear in my life some weeks after the initial break-up he spoke of wanting to work towards the future together and basically everything I wanted to hear. I was impressed and almost full of hope that this will finally work out! Although we didn’t get back together, we sort of just slowly started speaking again those issues arose again! He simply couldn’t go any further with me. He wanted to, but he was not ready and I can’t sit around hoping that maybe one day he will be.

So it is very close to home when you said you want to be with him, but can’t.

I too also think this is the end of the road for us. Although it is very difficult accepting this and I don’t think I fully have at this point I know that many things have brought us apart and that no matter how hard he tried to make himself believe he will be ready, he won’t.

Have you got much planned for this weekend to keep yourself occupied?

Definitely! I too struggle with patience.. it is definitely something I have never been good at and need to work on! Perhaps that is why we are struggling now, because we are almost impatient to come out of this on the other end!

Did you start seeing your therapist recently or is this someone who has been helping you for some time? You seem extremely comfortable! I have never previously used such service and so I am slightly apprehensive about my counselling appointment, once it finally arrives!

Shelby,

Perhaps we just need to adjust to accepting that things will be meaningless and mundane for a while, and that we simply just need to continue in survival mode for a little while longer.

I think the contrast between having the happiness and joy in everything you do (whilst with your partner) and then this is a major hit and perhaps that is the reason why it feels so overwhelming!

I’m just going to try and take it one step at a time. Get through work first and figure out the rest later!

How are you feeling today?

Shelby,

Thank you for getting back to me and so quickly. It most definitely feels like the end of my world right now. Luckily, I had a friend stay with me last night who just sat by me as I went through the whole ordeal.

I think last night made me realise that due to all of the goings on over the summer, I have been left a broken person who is still dealing with her trauma. I realise I need to seek professional help and am reaching out to organisations which may be able to help me with that. It doesn’t happen often but I have found myself spiralling a few times into what I call a ‘black hole’ where nothing in that moment matters. And in those moments my rational mind reminds me to run back to safety, him. But he isn’t able to be there for me right now the way I need him to be, despite the fact that he is one of the main causes of this trauma and despair. The truth is, he walked away from me when I needed him the most and he is unable to assist now in helping me pick up the pieces of what he broke.. He can’t even do that much for me.

So I have to let go of the idea that he is the one who will save me. I have to save myself. Because my heart can’t handle any more disappointments and that is exactly what happens each time we reach out to one another.

It is crazy how you think you’re doing so well one day and the next you feel like you’re not even going to get through the day! And the break up? Although we’ve been technically broken up for a while, each goodbye shatters your heart the same way it did the first time!

I wish I could fast forward this period of my life and come out the other end!

Shelby,

I’m sorry to hear about your boss! It’s absolute rubbish when people fail to empathise with others who are going through a difficult time, I hope it all works itself out!

It is all fresh for you so don’t be hard on yourself in terms of accepting the reality right now. I’m a few months in and I haven’t even accepted this yet! I probably would’ve been further along in terms of progress had my ex decided not to show back up in my life with a promise of forever and making it work but nonetheless it is what it is and I have ended back in square one. This time round, I’m doing things properly. That is a promise I have made to myself.

Yes I miss him terribly, his family, his sister, his nan.. We have to remember it isn’t really just the partner you loose.. It’s their family, the life that you have built together! It is a lot! So we just have to be kind to ourselves and if not accept the current circumstances, at least accept that we have lost an awful lot and we are doing the best that we can on a daily basis, even if that is just getting up to go to work!

Although I would love to completely skip past this horrible chapter in my life, I don’t think there is a magic cure to do this. I think we’re literally just going to have to ride out the pain, the meaningless everyday and the lack of happiness in the things we would normally love doing. Stay focused on our progress and what is best for us and just hope that each day gets a little easier!

Shelby,

To be honest, it’s quite normal. I agree, doing things without him is rubbish! But I don’t have a choice in the matter and so I must get out of bed and do them anyway.. As sad as it is.