You’re right. I’m good overall actually! After my experience with her I decided I’ll do some other things before I think of dating again. I’ll be moving to NYC on August, and continuing my studies there. Other than that I’ve just been teaching myself some Spanish, and playing the piano.

How’s everything with you?

Thank you for all the help Anita. I really appreciate all the advice and help you’ve given me. I hope you’re doing well and you’re great and I know you help a lot of people out with their problems, but if you ever need anything yourself please feel free to talk or ask.

Hi Anita,

I think you’re right. I shouldn’t have any new memories of her. I unfriended her today, and I felt really bad about it. I don’t know why, though. I’d look at her profile every once and a while. One time I look and she’s removed every picture of us, the next time I take a look she’s made our friendship (option to look at our posts throughout Facebook since we started) private. She removed a lot of my comments on her pictures from when the relationship began and I don’t know but at that point, I felt horrible. I just quickly went to her profile and unfriended her in the moment out of the emotions I was feeling. I didn’t think it through. I feel like that was my last connection with her, where I don’t actively need to talk to her to “be in her life.” I’m watching someone I love slowly remove every trace of me from her life and it seriously hurts.

I can’t understand it. How she could go from so loving to do everything she’s done. To be honest the only reason I’ve left her on my Facebook since we broke up two months ago is because I felt like we might be able to get in frequent contact again someday. I’ve had some days where I was ok and other times it was just like the first day we broke up. I get really sad thinking about how people who were so close end up being strangers. This my first time going through this so I’m sorry but thank you for helping me out.

I’ve also realised whenever the idea of relationships come up between me and my friends I start getting sick. I start feeling anxious, kind of scared, kind of nauseous. I’ve obviously not moved on yet. I understand that we broke up and that we are probably always going to be. But I still love her as much as I ever did. Do you need to kill that feeling before you’re ready to move on or can you even if you don’t?

Hi, Anita! I hope you’re doing well. I’m much better now thank God. I just would like to have your opinion and the communities opinion in general. I seem to keep going through emotions of being mad at her, to forgiving her to not and etc… I’m about to explain it to you. Can you tell me what you think?

My ex-girlfriend was very sweet. She made me a book of our pictures for a gift, was so sweet to me and nice to me in front of her family. She made sure I was comfortable when I slept at her house. She was there a lot of the times for me and helped me out with some work I had. She had many good qualities. She once had a one-hour layover airport at the city I was staying in and came out to see me then went back in, so she’s great in many ways.

But she also did many negative things. Whenever we argued she had a big temper. She’d insult me and then we end up insulting each other back and forth (I’m guilty and wrong of this too) but it’d always end with her saying she thinks we should have a break or break up or take a day off and me apologizing. She’d go through episodes every once and a while of being cold and almost ignoring me for a few days to a week. She’d call me to tell me she feels distant, and once told me her friend told her that she doesn’t think my girlfriend loves me (this was after a fight we had and she was venting to this friend). She insulted me to the point where I went from this very confident guy at the beginning of the relationship to this very insecure guy by close to the end. She uses to insult my personality. Saying I have “no balls” as in I’m a coward. She once told me in a group chat with my friend that she likes men that stand up for themselves and I asked if she thinks I’m like that in the group. She said no, that I’m “tame” which really upset me and it started a huge fight that almost led to a breakup (if I didn’t beg her to stay as usual) that was 8 days before the breakup mentioned in the previous posts you’ve helped me with.

With all the almost breakups, her telling me she feels distant or depressed by sitting their skyping with me instead of going out and a lot of the mean things I lost my confidence to the point to when she told me she wants to meet Zayn Malik (my cousins are friends with his girlfriend). I asked her why and she said because she liked how he looks. That would of never gotten to me if I was my usual self but it did.

Post-breakup she was taking pictures with guys and writing “bae” or putting hearts. She even told me she was glad we broke up. Later she came back and apologised for those both things saying it shows she didn’t care which isn’t true (according to her). As of now she’s removed every trace of me off her Facebook and Instagram. She’s been cold to me again. Like you said she is changeable (I talked to her once last time 3 weeks ago after I told you how nice she was being). She said she was glad and etc… While I was saying things to her like I still care about her and will always love her. Asked her to never be a stranger and stay friends. If she ever needs anything she can always ask. (Still true) but anyways we’ve become strangers. She didn’t even bother congratulating me on my recently born nephew (2 weeks old!)

I get mad, really mad to the point where I don’t even wanna see her. But I can’t find it in myself to hate her. I still love her, but I don’t know how I should feel about her. A lot of mixed feelings are happening. I look at the things she wrote that were sweet or see a picture of us and I feel like she really did love me, but then when I remember all the negatives I mentioned above I really don’t know if she does. If she loved me as me or loved having a boyfriend because it seems like I was so much more into it and devoted to her.

What do you think about her, honestly? Do you think she loved me or not really? Also her birthday is in 10 days should I say happy birthday to her or not? Part of me wants to but I just don’t know.

Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out I really appreciate it.

Hi Anita firstly thank you so much for your patience with me. I meant that she continued to have a conversation with me and why do you think that she did so? Not that you said she did.

Also there has been an update. We talked today. She posted a Facebook Status saying ouch (in pain I guessed) so the conversation went like this.

Me: “Hey Natalia”

Her: “Hi Khalood!” My names Khalid but Khalood is like a nickname that’s typical.

Me: “I saw your status and was just wondering what that’s about are you ok?”

Her: “Haha I have cramps and my mouth is full of blisters or, however, you call it”

Me: “Aww that sucks it’s ok put like a hot water bottle maybe that’ll help. Blisters are a side effect”

Her: “Too Lazy hahah”

She then sends a voice note saying where the blisters are and that it’s due to lack of some vitamins and explains it to me.

Me:”I’ve never gotten one of those! Take the vitamins! I hope it gets better get some supplements”

Her:”I get them all the time it sucks hahah I should lol. How’s uni and u in general?”

Me:”I love my Spanish Class. It’s so much fun. The teachers hilarious”

Her: “That’s awesome. Hahaha aren’t we all(Spaniards)

So I then sent her a voice note telling her about how the teacher censored a presentation with a girl wearing a bikini.

Her: “I saw it lol” (I posted the picture on facebook)

Me: “She said kalba and it means dog in Arabic. So she told this girl Kalba and she got offended (the word has a different meaning in Spanish.)

Her: “Hahahaha oh well, weird”

Me: “I really like that class it’s cool”

Her: “So like social life lol partying?”

Me: “Good I’ve just been around with my friends trying some new things I’m going to a show soon and I joined this survival group”

Her: “Hahaha cool nice”

Me: “We go to the desert and try to survive and no I don’t wanna party hahaha not right now”

Her: “Cool why not lol”

Me: “Hows it going with you”

Her: “Parties are fun. It’s good! I’m going to the Netherlands on Thursday till Monday to party. Carnival is huge there so ya. In Spring break I’m going to Cancun and I’m going out a lot meeting lots of new people hahahah also studying so yea haha”

Me: “That’s so cool you’re gonna see all your friends! Are they excited the netherland ones”

Her: “Yes super hahaha”

Me: “That’s awesome are you going with your mom still”

Her: “Where? To Cancun? Yeees”

Me: “That sounds so cool! Enjoy”

Her: “I will I wanna get brown in Spring Break and come all tanned hahahaha.”

Me: “LOL you mean all burnt. Don’t forget to put sun screen!!! But ya you get pretty dark darker than me when I tan” (She always got sun burnt and I use to tell her to put sun screen and put it on for her when she repeatedly said no back when we were dating LOL and I use to put them in her bag all the time without her noticing hahaha she always thought she wouldn’t tan enough if she put it)

Her: “hahaha exactly. I still ahve the tan lines from Dubai actually. They show very little”

Me: “Natalia that’s insane”

Her: “But you can see some lines. Those are staying with me forever lol.”

Me: “You got burnt so bad hahaha”

Her: “Dubai sun is killer”

Me: “Ya screw the summer here but its so cold now. I went out in a shirt yesterday”

Her: “Cuz I fell asleep hahaha” (how she got sunburnt when she fell asleep at the pool)

Me: “I was gonna die its 14 degrees so cold” (Yes that is very cold here in Dubai LOL)

Her: “That’s amazing so jealous.

Me: “You fell asleep for hours HAHAHAHA”

Her: “Ya lol that didn’t change. I fall asleep anywhere. It’s so annoying.”

Me: “Keep it like that its funny LOL”

Her: “hahaha ya I’m not changing lol”

Me: “What’s that website where you watch Spanish movies with English subtitles?”

Her: “Pelis24.com”

Me: “Ok cool I’m gonna try to rewatch dragon ball in Spanish maybe I’ll learn or any show”

Her: “Yalla (Arabic word meaning come on) good luck with that. Maybe one day we can have a super good fluent convo in Spanish.”

Me: “We will I’ve gotten so much better”

Her: “I can imagine, that’s good Khaloudi” This is another nickname. My family calls me Khaloudi. (My names Khalid) She use to call me Khaloudi before we broke up as well.

Me: “I think so but I’m not pro yet. Did anything happen with modeling?”

Her: “Cool oh ya but I’ve decided to wait till I’m 18 so that I don’t have to depend on my parents when going and all so yea haha”

Me: “Ya that’s smart good luck with that”

Her: “Thanks haha”

Me: “I have to go I’m walking home so the internets cutting”

Her: “Okaay was nice talking to you Khalid haha”
“It’s getting better (Inserts smiley face and thumbs up)”

Me: “It was really nice talking to you. See ya later natopato (I use to call her that before we broke up)”

What do you think of this conversation? It seems she’s opening up more but why do you think so? And what do you think she meant by it’s getting better? We were very close before we broke up practically best friends just adding that in there.

Thank you!

Some information: She did send me her Christmas gifts by DHL and I sent her mine.
Her:”Hey, Did the gift ever get to you? The people never contact me (DHL) and IDK how to contact them or anything so I guess it got lost or something. Also, you should know I got you off snapchat because I didn’t want to see your stories because I have feelings and they hurt so yea just so you know and you unfollowed me on insta. I deleted the pictures but I still have them on my computer I don’t plan on deleting them from there I’m not that ****. I just felt like I had to delete the insta ones. Just wanted to make that clear in case you didn’t know.”

Me: “The gift didn’t get to me yet but that’s ok. It’s the idea that matters so thank you it’s really nice what you did.”

Her: “Also thank you for buying the gifts, but my dad didn’t want me to pay the money to get it (Spain put 120 euros of taxes on it when it arrived) You probably spent more money on that and sending them. I’m sorry, but it wasn’t my choice.”

Me: “It’s ok don’t worry, you spent a lot of money too. it’s never about the money. I have a folder of the stuff (our pictures) on the computer some of them are literally hilarious. Don’t worry ok I get what you’re going through I’m not upset or anything.”
Her: “I think you are. I know a lot and I know that your friends are telling you to get me off Facebook and why don’t you unfriend me and you say that you don’t want to because then it will look like you care.” (How she guessed this is beyond me. She either knows me that well or something weird is going on)

Me: “Are you a secret agent HAHAHA LOL” (I literally laughed hahaha)

Her: “I’m just not stupid and Taha (my best friend) is probably calling me a fkin ****”

Me: “Ya I did say that to them (that I don’t want to look like I care by unfriending her) but that’s not the real reason.”

Her: “Like he says and a ***** and blahblah.”

Me: “He thinks by insulting people you get over them easily. It’s just Taha who cares what he says. You know I don’t think badly of you.”

Her: “I know, I don’t really care. I know it annoyed you that I took the pics of insta.”

Me: “Are you feeling guilty again? (I really wanted to know why she’s saying all this)”

Her: “Oh and also I’m not with any dude. Whatever taha saw or you saw is a gay friend the one I called “bae” Xxxdd.”

My friend has her on snapchat and saw this and then told me (she removed me from snapchat and kept him)

Me: “You’re not psychic how do you know this?”

Her: “I’m smart. I have contacts”

Me: “Ok, did I do something wrong? Honestly.”

Her: “No. I just really wanted you to know because it looks like I’m this **** that has no feelings and only thinks of herself and that is over it and that didn’t care and **** you know. That’s not fair at all.”

Me: “You’re not a **** and I never said you are so that term isn’t necessary. It’s just Taha trying to make me feel better but it doesn’t work I just get annoyed and Taha saw some guy and he assumed was some bae and ran and told me.”

Her: “I know you never called me that yourself. I call it myself.”

Me: “But is someone snooping in my conversation? I mean if it’s you that’s fine but what contacts?”

Her: “To be honest, I guessed that Taha tells you a lot of **** and I’m not stupid. I know I’m like the bad guy now. So it’s not that difficult to come to the conclusion that Taha insults me like he did with every other girl when we had the group chat. That you get mad when I deleted our pictures together or that it’s not nice to see me with a dude and write bae. It’s just pretty obvious and I wanted to tell you myself because I think you deserve at least that.”

Me: “That’s really nice of you thank you.”

Her: “How’s uni BTW?”

Me: “I did the same but it’s just time that’s gonna help you know what I mean so don’t worry I’m not upset. It’s really good!”

Her: “Awesome, what’s your major?”

Me: “Guess what class I’m taking for an elective.”

Etc… now ill skip a little bit of just chit chatting back and forth and go to the interesting parts

She tells me about her mom and her going on vacation and I told her that’s great mother daughter bonding time she should do it. So she says “She (her mom) asks about you a lot, saying how are you and all that”

Me: “My mom asks about you too sometimes. That’s so nice. You guys are like my family.”

Her: “What does she say. It’s a shame I couldn’t meet her. I wish I could of, she was always very nice to me.”
“Oh btw something I didn’t tell you. I told Taha that I didn’t want you talking to me because I was really down. Been having some tough times and that was just a reminder of more tough times. So I didn’t really want to go through that. (She told him it makes her uncomfortable that I talk to her. This was 2 weeks ago.

Me: “It’s ok walla”

Her: “Just thought I should make that clear myself in case another person puts words in my mouth that I didn’t say.”

Me: “Don’t worry about it honestly i know what you’re going through just as well so I’m not gonna get upset about it.”

Her: “Sure”

I then tell her I’m transferring to Europe and she asks me about my driving license and tells me where she plans on going for summer camp with a university and etc.. and she tells me if I need help with Spanish class I should ask and I told her if she needs help applying to universities she should ask me and she said she will. Then she said she has to go have dinner and see ya! This was yesterday.

This is the conversation