Thanks AM for this heartfelt account of what happened to you. I can see there are many common points, I can see that you have encountered that jerk we all get close to once and that you also went through hell, but then out again.

I can see probably my decision to keep going despite all the negative things that happened to me through the relationship has probably partially to deal with the way I see myself, and the thirst to be loved and cared for by someone. To know I deserved to be loved, I am a good person and can be special to someone. In fact now I have difficulties in accepting that he just went off with someone else, as if nothing had happened, as if I simply died from one day to the other, or he never met me, he never lived with me, he never used my shoulder to cry or take out all of his problems. Just gone. I should have known because that is what he did to his ex girlfriend of 5 years when he met me…but I believed in a way, I was special and we were an item.

I know I will get through it, slowly. Today is not a particularly good day, but I am sure I will get through it, because I have to, there is no other option. I cannot let this thing condition all my life, all my dreams all that I have fought so hard for. Though I realize it’s not easy. I try to find inspiration in things, but sometimes my mind runs into something (a song, a joke, whatever) that I know me and him would have loved sharing with each other, and I start remembering the good times, and my healing mechanism seem to jam. I need a lot of energy to keep hating him, to keep seeing that he was only a problematic jerk, that gets so attached to people in so little time, but can also get so unattached in a second.

Thanks for you advice, and many others’ one.