Hi Jenn,

Firstly I want to say how sorry I am for what you’ve been through. It is the most devastating thing! To be turned away after being together so long. For not being appreciated for all you were and did for them. And the sense of abandonment and pain – it’s deep!

My husband of 20 years said the same thing to me in July 2016. And then it came out two weeks later that he’d actually found someone else. I tried but nothing I said or did would change his mind. I moved back to my home town in February 2017, taking my three teens with me. At least I had them. But they would go to visit their dad sometimes and the loneliness was unbearable.

All I can say is that it gets better! It’s been nearly three years now since he told me, and two and a half years since the divorce has gone through. I’ve worked hard on my healing, focusing strongly on self-love and self-care. I’ve joined a dance group, found hobbies and interests to bury myself in, and been as gentle with myself as I possibly can. It’s not easy as self-love wasn’t always my mantra. Making an effort to go out to friends and family, sometimes even when I’m tired, has also helped with the loneliness. The last time my kids went away, I had finally reached the point where I could relish in the silence. It has taken me years to get there. Yes, I wouldn’t say I prefer to be alone, but I’ve learned to find good in it.

I’ve also learned to find a sense of freedom and independence in being single. Many days I long for someone in my life, but other times, I love being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to answer to a husband. Sure, I need to consider my kids, but it’s different. There’s a certain magic to being single. Yes, one day I’d love to find someone – at the right time, but for now, I will try to find the joy in this season of my life. It takes time to get there, but it’s possible. I was very attached to my husband and my whole life revolved around him. So, if I can get here, I know you can too.

Could you possibly not find a room mate to live with? I know some people aren’t wired to live on their own for long periods of time. If not, a cat or dog? Or even a bird. They can be great companions.

I sincerely hope that you can find the joy in the small things, find a support network around you, and find the deep healing you need.

Much love,
Kathy