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limbikanimaria

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  • October 11, 2017 at 8:10 am in reply to: Bulimia and Living Alone #172739
    limbikanimaria
    Participant

    These were all things that she said when my disorder first started…which was about 9 years ago. I’ve done some work trying to forgive her and move on from these comments, because she is no longer saying anything like this. When I talked to her on the phone she made supportive comments like “we’re in this together and things will get better.” “This isn’t your fault.” So I don’t think she would trigger shame in me anymore.         –

     

    July 10, 2017 at 4:15 pm in reply to: Social Media Triggers #157402
    limbikanimaria
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply Anita. This situation took a bit of a turn for the better. I talked to him with a more mature approach, he took some time to think about it and came up with an idea..for every day that I don’t engage in my eating disorder he said I can unfollow a person from his Instagram. I know this doesn’t solve the problem of my insecurities, and I still need to put the work in there. Him saying this made me feel a lot better since it shows me that these people he is following aren’t as important as I thought they were to him, and also that he really wants me to fully recover from my eating disorder. Overcoming the disorder must come from me, but this is actually good incentive to get me over the hump to my next stage in recovery. What it showed me most was that this whole social media thing isn’t as important to him as I thought it was, which makes me feel a lot better about everything.

     

    December 29, 2016 at 1:12 pm in reply to: Healing from Shame #123947
    limbikanimaria
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thanks again for your reply. I am trying to decide if I should tell my mother how those comments made me feel. For instance I could say, “mom, I felt shame when you asked me if I enjoyed my binge.” That way, it is focused on my feelings rather than her action. This could give her the opportunity to apologize. If I go into this situation without expecting an apology, at least I gave her the chance and can make peace with it. I don’t expect her to apologize but I want a relationship with her. Giving her this opportunity to apologize to me could either help us grow together or apart, and I’d be prepared for either outcome. Do you think this could be healing for me?

    December 29, 2016 at 12:31 pm in reply to: Healing from Shame #123937
    limbikanimaria
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thanks for your comment. I think I meant that I need to not let my mother’s shameful comments have power over me anymore. I should not judge her for making those comments because clearly something is going on inside of her that caused to react in that way during my times of need. If I don’t judge her, but rather observe those behaviors, hopefully it will help me empathize with her more. I think anyone could shame me, it’s whether or not I give power to them for doing so.
    Thanks again,
    Megan

    December 29, 2016 at 11:11 am in reply to: Healing from Shame #123917
    limbikanimaria
    Participant

    Thanks for your comment, Peter. I think I need to learn how to not attach judgment to the way my mom raised me. I also should focus more on the positive things she tried to do for me while I was growing up. I will check out the book.
    Thanks again,
    Megan

    January 25, 2016 at 12:49 pm in reply to: Any Insight/Advice Appreciated #93641
    limbikanimaria
    Participant

    Thanks Anita, that is very helpful. It concerns me that if he did in fact lie about this, that he might lie about more important things in the future. I want to trust that he is being truthful that it was an honest mistake, but a part of me feels like he lied to tell me what I wanted to hear in that situation. Thank you for your insight that there is no such thing as perfect honesty in a relationship…I might be unrealistic thinking that it is possible.

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