October 10, 2017 at 6:33 pm #172669
I've been struggling on and off with bulimia for almost nine years. I am 25 and have been living on my own for about two years. During the second year of living on my own, my ED got to it's worse and I've been struggling to get back into remission. This round has been consistently bad and I think the reason I'm struggling so hard to get into remission is living completely on my own for the first time in my life. It's just too easy to give into binging and purging when there is nobody here but me. Today I called my mom and talked to her about moving back home for a while so that I'd have her and my dad around to help me get back on my feet from my ED. The only issue is that I work full time here, and it would be a total of 3 hours of commuting each day. I also get sad thinking about losing my apartment that I love, regardless that I'm here alone with my ED. I just told my mom that I'm going to stick it out here for now, but asked her if we could have weekly phone calls to check in and make sure I'm headed in an upward direction. If things don't get better soon, then I will move back home for a while. I think it will be good motivation for me that in order to keep my apartment, I have to keep getting better. I really hope this works. If anyone has gone through something similar or has any advice to share, please do!
-MeganOctober 11, 2017 at 7:47 am #172733
Last December you shared this about your mother in regard to your eating disorder: “(she) made shameful comments towards me. For example, she noticed I had eaten a lot of food and asked ‘did you enjoy your binge?' She also caught me purging in my bedroom once and said ‘you can do whatever you want when you leave the house. No more puking.'… She also once said, ‘all you’ve been doing is eating all day,'with no constructive comments to make afterwards, leaving me to feel immense amounts of shame about my eating disorders”
You are now considering having a weekly conversation with her or moving back in with her so to help yourself heal and recover from your bulimia. Has there been healing of your relationship with your mother since December? Does she no longer trigger shame in you?
anitaOctober 11, 2017 at 8:10 am #172739
These were all things that she said when my disorder first started…which was about 9 years ago. I've done some work trying to forgive her and move on from these comments, because she is no longer saying anything like this. When I talked to her on the phone she made supportive comments like “we're in this together and things will get better.” “This isn't your fault.” So I don't think she would trigger shame in me anymore. –October 11, 2017 at 8:19 am #172741
Notice that although your mother said those things to you nine years ago, when you were sixteen, it is only nine months ago that those comments were still distressing you. If these comments are no longer distressing you, that means that the change happened in the last nine months.
I hope you do recover from bulimia soon enough, make progress every day. Healing and recovery from EDs are possible with the help of support groups, individual and group psychotherapy that are perhaps available to you.