Firstly Wow!!! thank you all so much for all the advice, I have never wrote in a forum before and am overwhelmed at the support that really is out there. You are all fabulous beings and all your advice is really helpful.

Firstly Anita, you are incredibly strong and I admire your courage to do what ever it took to make yourself happy. well done for taking the leap to empower yourself…unfortunately I have an inability to let go… I am always in hope especially because of my mums condition- if she died and we hadn’t made up it would kill me, I would still suffer through guilt and it is another way in which they could potentially attack later down the line. I don’t want to end my relationships, I want to fix them, but you’ve got to do whats right for you, we are all different and I’m glad it worked for you.

Shivvy:CBT course is a fantastic idea thank you so much your totally right…I have read endless self help books and they work while your reading them but life goes on day by day and the knowledge somehow gets diluted until I’m back to square one…I was on medication for a year until I read up on the pharmaceutical companies-and their effects,But a course is something that I can really get my teeth into…like a personal project- I must master myself again. fab!!

Inky–you got some gusto love!!:o) I’m not the throw a big party, facebooky type of person any more.. was in my early 20’s now it kinda makes me cringe… saying that I think its a great tool to put your middle finger up at them but it’s just not for me… the No button is ingenious although I know this would be another “quirky” thing they would rip me for. I will deffo follow your advice about ‘one at a time’ starting with 1 of my step sisters…she can be sound, and often can see when it’s getting out of hand…I think chatting with her would also ease my mind that I’m not over reacting or being over sensitive. so cheers.

Finally Marliv…thank you so much for your understanding “And everyone thinks they are great people, and that it’s ‘normal’ for family members not to get along, so no one helps, no one thinks it’s serious.” I burst into tears at this… I have completely cut off from extended family because of this—they add too it… It’s so nice to know you can get through it and it’s a thing others truly get and empathize with. Distance is key! I don’t need to feel like I have to go back all the time…I have my own life to lead—i don’t want to make a scene because of mums illness I just need to get busy and productive….and drop in on my terms not theirs…when I feel strong…P L A N!!! luckily I live away from them but I go running back at every clicked finger… no more!!! I’m glad you found a path that worked for you in the end…how is your relationship now??

The post was my 2am rant and you have all made me feel so much more powerful, positive and genuinely happy, thanks or the support guys. lots of love xx

Also as a spot of advice from myself. I’ve found today screaming and arguing my points at them while I’m steaming around on my bicycle really helps too….very satisfying!!! .. people must think I’m a woman possessed… but when you notice you’ve been noticed … it doesn’t half make you laugh your own glorious ridiculousness. :oD highly recommend it!