Sorry this is coming so late… I came across the video I mentioned earlier & thought of you:

Maybe this will be a little helpful if you haven’t come across it on your own yet.

Of course, I’d love to talk more about Korea! I am using a recruiter that I heard about through a friend, and it seems to be panning out nicely. I actually have an interview coming up very soon and may be starting this summer! 😀

I am really looking forward to having the space away from home, though I am going to miss my cat very much >.<

Add me on FB, perhaps if you’d like to talk more about this (if I am allowed to share that on a forum…?) Same first name, Rogero 🙂

Kayla,

I have had a similar situation with my own mom. A lot of things sound very similar, like that my mom has held financial authority over me and threatened to stop paying for my education. As many other things, these threats were empty and I will be graduating in May (I am now 23 years old). I am doing my best to become financially independent so that this is not something she can use against me in the future. She has also made comments about my physical appearance and tends to attempt to manipulate my decisions, which then leaves me feeling as though she is trying to live through me.

I sought counseling a few years ago, as I felt that the damage from this relationship was catching me in a trap that my negativity began to resemble my mother. My counselor suggested a book for me, Walking on Eggshells, as she believed borderline personality disorder (BPD) may be the root of my mother’s behaviors. Perhaps you can visit your library or bookstore or Google BPD to see if this information might help you in some way. I think this may be related to your situation because you mentioned that small arguments would escalate into emotional abuse, etc. There is no way to truly diagnose this disorder, but if this is related to your mom’s behaviors, perhaps it can help you understand her struggles and what may be influencing her words and behaviors.

I have, however, been fortunate to have a supportive father who is very calm and in control of his feelings, and he has shared advice with me. At the end of the day, we cannot control or influence anyone’s actions but our own. We are ultimately in control of our emotions and we can only hope for healing for our loved one who may not realize how deeply they are hurting us. Perhaps with some meditation on this, you can find words and coping strategies that work, and you can pass them on to your brother, as my father has done for me.

I am newer to meditation and Buddhist teachings, so does this seem like a sound way of handling emotional abuse? Is there anything else that can be done? Most of my emotional triggers (like 99%) and anxiety are related to issues with my mother. How can we show compassion so someone whom we feel anxious around?

L

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Lorelei.