Hi,

I know the feeling of wanting to confess these things to people, especially those who are close to you. However I do think you have made the right chooses so far in that you have really thought through the implications of what telling others would do.

The fact that your brother is so remorseful is really what tells me that this is something you should work out between yourselves and not involve your family, if it were the other way around and he was at risk of further continuing his destructive behavior my advice would be to tell, but it isn’t.

I think it’s great that you’re able to look past his negative actions and see him for who he really is, such insight and compassion is a rare quality to have. however  I do think that you need to talk to a therapist even if it’s just to fully understand and internalise your emotions. A good therapist will also help you really step outside yourself and truly understand why the feeling you are currently having are hurting you so much. When you do you can work to move past them and the past events will become of smaller and smaller significance in your mind.

Keep in mind that you can be open and honest while still withholding some information. Sounds contradictorily, I know, but in reality being “too honest” may not necessarily be the best idea.
It’s a good idea to be honest about things that on-going, your sexuality being one of them, but issues from the past that are not going to make further issues in the future may be best just left there in the past.

I think at the moment you’re suffering from a fair amount of cognitive dissonance (where you hold two opposing views in your mind). On one hand you know that telling your family is going to cause more hurt than is potentially necessary, on the other hand you feel that this is going to eat you up inside and that you’re living a lie if you don’t.  This is something that you need to talk to a therapist about, they will help you really come to terms with, let go and move on. As for your brother, given his reaction and remorse,  I would feel optimistic that this 2 year trip will help him grow as a person and will be able to work out his issues with a professional when he comes back.