Hmm, I don’t have that experience growing up to be honest. I think the reason for my actions is motivated by the need to take more responsbility than needed, and always wanting to blame myself more than I have to so that I have the opportunity for growth. Because in some ways, if I’m wrong that can only mean that I have more to improve and get better at. So I think you can say that I haven’t been fair and kind to myself.

I think I said things that made her feel unheard, misunderstood and alone? Ideally, I should have walked away and taken some space before engaging in anything at that point of time.

“Actually, referring to the title of your thread, it’d cause anyone to be stressed and anxious, maybe walking on eggshells, afraid of the next time you would say something imperfectly, something that would rub her the wrong way.” Yes you are absolutely correct.

Funnily enough she said the same thing about me that I made her feel like she had to walk on eggshells which made her anxious all the time. I genuinely have been trying to figure out what I did. And to be honest with you the biggest fight that we had was back in Jan and that’s the only thing i can recall that would trigger her to walk on eggshells? And for what it’s worth I took full accountability and apologized for those actions. The thing it was never easy for her to see past things and forgive and forget.

I don’t blame her though, I think she just never felt emotionally safe with me after our conflict and I think the relationship ran its course.

And to be clear I was never physically abusive or verbally abusive. And i’m quite positive in the last 4 months of being together, I was completely submissive and was always apologizing for things. Now that I say this out loud, that’s super embarrassing and I wish I didn’t do that. I think i should have walked away because she has every right to find flaws in me but if that’s the case then we’re not meant for each other.

I don’t think so. She brought up a lot of things from the past, which is a bad habit of hers, and i don’t know what her intentions were but it stirred up quite a bit of guilt within me. In hindsight, one of the things I didn’t really like about the relationship was how she wasn’t able to easily move past things and forgive me. And it’s not as if I did serious things like cheating or physical abuse. It was things like miscoummnication or saying something that was tactless or rubbed her the wrong way.

Hey Anita,

Hahaha thank you for your kind words.

I think I did something unkind recently. It’s relevant to this thread. Basically, I found out that my ex is travelling with her ex and staying together while doing so. I reached out to confirm this in an accusatory and rather judgemental way. In other words, I could have definitely phrased it better but I guess emotions got the better of me and I casted my judgement which I believe is a very logical conclusion that they were together and possibly sleeping together. I fully acknowledge that it is none of my business at this stage and I should have definitely left her alone and she’s free to do whatever she wants. Anyway, she insists that nothing was going on between them and my message to her was unkind and uncalled for. I expressed my skepticism that nothing was happening between them due to the logistics of staying in an airbnb together with 1 bed etc and their history together. Anyway, looking back I don’t think what I said was unkind, maybe my accusation of them sleeping together was unkind.

Q

I’m feeling a little strange. I’m all out of tears, I’m not particularly sad anymore. I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling. I know I should move on and focus on things about my own life. I can’t help but feel like I wasted my time, disrespected myself. Yes i think what i’m feeling is this whole situation isn’t fair but life is never fair.

Hey Anita,

how are you?

Anyway, just an update, the chances of reconciliation are officially zero and the door has been closed. I knew this would be the outcome but I’m still feeling numb. I’m still feeling numb and bad even though the break up was months ago and now I just had the final nail in the coffin.

If I could turn back time, I would not hold on and move on completely as hard as that sounds. All my friends told me I dodged a bullet but I’m still unhappy.