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  • #447662
    q
    Participant

    And right now I think things are messy, I’m having a hard time committing to a no contact rule and every bit of me is fighting to ask how she’s doing and ask her about her day. But I know it’s out of bounds. She’s going to be leaving the country before returning in a few months and we’ve sort of made unofficial plans to reconnect in the future. And this is the hope that is making me cling on to the “relationship”. Every rational advice online says to cut the hope. I think the best move forward is very likely to be working on myself and probably going no contact for a while before I make progress on improving myself.

    And I strongly feel, for us to get back together, we need to be 2 very different people and we need to start on a clean slate. And from what I understand, that means no contact is necessary for the above conditions to materialize.

    Yea i’m in a continuous battle with my emotions, sometimes i tell myself it’s okay to say some things as long as it’s authentic and genuine, the vulnerability is respectable. But following that logic can be quite dangerous because it enables me to make excuses for contacting her. And I’m only human, I’m gonna slip up some day.

    #446931
    q
    Participant

    Hello Anita, i hope you are doing well! You mentioned that you had some suggestions for a grounding exercise. Could you please share them with me? Thank you!

    Ive been interviewing and I still catch myself googling things like “how do i know if i did well in an interview”. It feels funny typing it out and I acknowledge its something i cant control since it’s over.

    Relationship wise – I feel much stronger and resilient now. I was holding on too tightly and it’s like holding sand. The tighter I hold the more I lose. So now im completely relaxing myself and trying my best not to worry and show signs of worrying.

    Everything might take days, weeks, months to pass but eventually it will pass. And whatever happens happens.

    Cheers

    #446903
    q
    Participant

    Hey Anita,

    Your kind words mean a lot to me. I spent some time rereading everything you wrote so I could internalize it. Thank you for taking the time to write. After some thought, I think during hard times, I crave a lot of affection for reassurance but that is probably the last thing my partner is thinking about. And it can come off a bit obtuse. I recognise that and I’ll be thinking of what you suggested. I’ll look inwards for reassurance and focus on other things that provide me value when I need it.

    Thank you!
    Q

    #446870
    q
    Participant

    Hello Anita, thank you for your response. To be honest I’m managed to deal with things myself and reassured myself everything’s gonna be okay. I’m quite embarrassed to say I wrote everything here out of anxiety hahaha. I notice you comment a lot here and leave a lot of kind messages when people need it. You have a good heart!! Feel free to share your thoughts!

    I’ve come to the conclusion that everything I’m going through will eventually pass with time. And if things don’t work out, it just means it wasn’t meant to be and more importantly I’ll be okay. I’ll be grateful for what I have. Thanks for listening!

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