Thanks Anita. I agree that I have suffered from an overload of information. I am guilty of overthinking. In the past couple of weeks I have made a conscious effort to step away from searching and striving for any answers. That’s what’s lead me to post my original thoughts in the first place – a realisation that I just don’t know anything and an acknowledgement that it’s entirely possible I never will. I suppose I’m hoping that getting back to appreciating a more superficially based life will grant me some peace and serenity. I suspect if it does, it would merely be a short term solution.

I’m nowhere near that point yet though. Your examples of things we have objective truth for, the earth, oceans, trees etc, do not stand up to logical scrutiny for me. All material is made up of atoms, atoms which are essentially empty space. Physicists and chemists tell us this is so. What we perceive as a solid piece of wood, or a block of stone, is nothing of the sort. It’s an expression of energy vibrating at a particular frequency. Any object we understand to exist may not even be there unless it’s being observed. Then again, I’m lead to believe scientists when they tell me this. And thus we go full circle. No one can tell me anything that makes sense. Each day my understanding of the world diminishes rather than grows. What’s real? Nothing.

Regarding spirituality and reigion. I’m afraid I’m unable to shake off a severe Catholic upbringing. I thought I could but when it came to the crunch I couldn’t. I took a Reiki course because I wanted to develop myself as a Reiki practioner (because I was attracted to the idea of tuning into some kind of good spiritual energy) but was brought down by comments from well-meaning Christians who expressed concern over me dabbling with ‘dark forces’. I don’t quite know why I place stock on what they think, but clearly I do. After I rejected my Catholic upbringing, and a period of agnosticism, I became a Christian for many years. That eventually waned but obviously elements of all that still linger. There have been lots of examples in recent times of me wandering down dead ends to find some deeper meaning to life. ‘Follow your bliss’, ‘ask the universe’, ‘listen to your gut’, all of these things have resulted in zero. I’m unable to truly open my mind for fear of something I can’t even identify. It’s not that I’ve had bad experiences, it’s more that I’ve felt absolutely nothing. It’s like I’m a cardboard cut-out in this world that revolves without me.

So, for the time being, I feel I need to accept not knowing anything. I want to go back to a childlike understanding of things. Your advice to cultivate a ‘Beginner’s Mind’ is sound and that’s what I will try to do (but not try too hard less I overthink things again!). Thank you for taking the time.