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Federico

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  • in reply to: I know nothing #150376
    Federico
    Participant

    Anita, regarding the tree in the forest. I would argue that not only does the tree not fall, there is no forest, unless it too is being observed. How do you know the tree exists? How do you know the forest exists? Does ‘stuff’ only come into existence when it is necessary for it to do so, a bit like the images in a virtual reality computer game? And what do we mean by ‘come into existence’ anyway? There’s no need to render anything to us unless it’s being observed.

    How do you know the Earth is round? According to what scientists tell us, it is. But is it also possible it’s flat, or without form or shape? Is it possible that it’s not at all what we think it is? Round when being observed from space perhaps, but merely some sort of energy field vibrating in some dimension or other at other times. I don’t know.

    The point for me is that I have a total crisis of confidence about believing anything any more. I don’t even trust my own gut feelings.

    As for Catholicism. It imprinted feelings of guilt on me. Intellectually I have shrugged them off, as they are entirely irrational, but of course it doesn’t work like that. My subconscious irrationally behaving mind still pulls the strings of my behaviour to a large degree. Cultural indoctrination is a very powerful tool not easily overridden.

    in reply to: I know nothing #149369
    Federico
    Participant

    Thanks Anita. I agree that I have suffered from an overload of information. I am guilty of overthinking. In the past couple of weeks I have made a conscious effort to step away from searching and striving for any answers. That’s what’s lead me to post my original thoughts in the first place – a realisation that I just don’t know anything and an acknowledgement that it’s entirely possible I never will. I suppose I’m hoping that getting back to appreciating a more superficially based life will grant me some peace and serenity. I suspect if it does, it would merely be a short term solution.

    I’m nowhere near that point yet though. Your examples of things we have objective truth for, the earth, oceans, trees etc, do not stand up to logical scrutiny for me. All material is made up of atoms, atoms which are essentially empty space. Physicists and chemists tell us this is so. What we perceive as a solid piece of wood, or a block of stone, is nothing of the sort. It’s an expression of energy vibrating at a particular frequency. Any object we understand to exist may not even be there unless it’s being observed. Then again, I’m lead to believe scientists when they tell me this. And thus we go full circle. No one can tell me anything that makes sense. Each day my understanding of the world diminishes rather than grows. What’s real? Nothing.

    Regarding spirituality and reigion. I’m afraid I’m unable to shake off a severe Catholic upbringing. I thought I could but when it came to the crunch I couldn’t. I took a Reiki course because I wanted to develop myself as a Reiki practioner (because I was attracted to the idea of tuning into some kind of good spiritual energy) but was brought down by comments from well-meaning Christians who expressed concern over me dabbling with ‘dark forces’. I don’t quite know why I place stock on what they think, but clearly I do. After I rejected my Catholic upbringing, and a period of agnosticism, I became a Christian for many years. That eventually waned but obviously elements of all that still linger. There have been lots of examples in recent times of me wandering down dead ends to find some deeper meaning to life. ‘Follow your bliss’, ‘ask the universe’, ‘listen to your gut’, all of these things have resulted in zero. I’m unable to truly open my mind for fear of something I can’t even identify. It’s not that I’ve had bad experiences, it’s more that I’ve felt absolutely nothing. It’s like I’m a cardboard cut-out in this world that revolves without me.

    So, for the time being, I feel I need to accept not knowing anything. I want to go back to a childlike understanding of things. Your advice to cultivate a ‘Beginner’s Mind’ is sound and that’s what I will try to do (but not try too hard less I overthink things again!). Thank you for taking the time.

    in reply to: I know nothing #149153
    Federico
    Participant

    Anita, thanks for your response. The life experiences you’ve had that you have described to me do not chime with mine at all. I have no issues (I’m aware of) with my mother or father regarding trust, and I don’t believe I ever thought money and ‘stuff’ brings happiness. I distrust my own instincts, and my own senses. I have come to have an understanding of the world that makes it clear to me that everything at all times is purely subjective. So, yes, in that respect I would not trust the views of family members, but I see no malice or deliberate attempts to misinform, only an honest ignorance. No one has ever called me worthless. But old certainties have disappeared and I find the result of this to be inertia and a certain resignation to just having to go through the motions of existence. I can’t be certain of anything so feel I can do nothing. I have been down too many blind alleys regarding spirituality, faith, ‘gut feelings’, following passions, blah blah and now my brain is tired of trying to find meaning and never succeeding. It’s been a relief these past few weeks to simply exist, to walk, watch tv, eat junk, go to work, go to sleep, and basically disengage from trying to find anything deeper. Sad in a way, but my life is not so bad.

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