Anita: I will go talk to him. Thank you for your time and the good replies 🙂

Vivian: Thanks for your concern.
You are right. The relationship has sometimes felt like it was going in the wrong direction with bad spirals.
I hadn’t seen the anger and pride coming, he seemed very subtile and humble when I knew him as a friend.
I was very annoyed after our last argument, when I asked him upfront if he felt he had learned anything and he just said “no”. As an instance response. I know he didn’t mean it. He has changed positively since. He can be prideful and sometimes childish, he can’t loose arguments and we are both very competitive, but we also learn and make progress.
I’m sure we will be able to work through anything. Afterall, he waited a year for me, a year where I dated other people right in front of him. I believe the examples I have given has only showed the bad sides of him. I wanted an advice on how to deal with certain issues, so I felt I had to give examples.
He is still my best friend to this day and he always looks out for me. He cares for all my friends, and has accepted having to deal with some bad personal issues of mine. Once he drove all the way to the inner city, crying, to pick me up because I had intoxicated myself. This is just one out of many examples. The relationship is complicated but one thing is sure. We love eachother dearly and have almost since we met.

– Thank you both for your comments. It is nice to know you have a place to go and seek help when needed. Stay well and have a nice day. 🙂

Dear Anita. Thank you very much. I understand completely now.

Our conversation that night:
Him: How is your night?
Me: Great. Why?
Him: It dosen’t seem like you’re having a good time.
Me: Well, I am. How are you?
Him: I’m fine as well.
Talking about it later (him): I felt bad.
Talking about it again for the 3. time (him): I thought you felt bad.

I understand now that I might have misread his intention. I thought he wasn’t able to say that he felt bad because he was too proud to do that. Honestly, I had a great night, that is why I didn’t believe him.

How do you think I should handle problem B) in the former reply?

Hey Anita. Thank you so much. I think I understand what you are saying.

A) I wrote the example wrong.
1) I felt bad or 2) I thought you felt bad

So, it was either me or him being the victim.
The first time we talked about this he told me that he felt bad.
The next time we talked, he told me that he thought I felt bad. However, I felt great and had not given him reason to think anything else.

This is a matter of contex. If he dosen’t feel good, he should be able to tell me. Without being held back by his pride. Instead he made me think I was the problem.

You see, I feel like I’m always being the one apologizing.
Now, this is fair to some extent because I know I have my issues just as he does, but I want a mutual relationship where I don’t always have to bend over backwards for him and think of solutions.

B) I don’t know how to adress problems because he gets angry when I do. That’s whether I
1) Try to be nice and talk calmly.
2) Mention something positive/make a compliment before adressing the issue.
Or 3) Try to relate to him and then explain my point of view.

I feel like I am running out of solutions.
My question is, how can I adress this and other issues when they occur without causing him to be angry?
Thank you again. I really love him and I want this to work out. 🙂

Hello. Thank you for replying. I know that was a lot. The last examples was examples of things I know I shoulnd’t find annoying yet I do. I think the reason I find these small things annoying is that lately we have had a lot of fights.

The problems are that we can’t talk about issues because he feel that I talk to him like I am his psycologist but honestly I have tried everything. I don’t know how to adress issues when needed without upsetting him. He changes explanation: One day it’s: Sorry I felt bad and wanted to check if you did as well. The next it’s: Sorry I thought you had a bad night, and I was worried for you. I don’t understand why he can just be real with me and tell the truth.