Hi,

Just an update.  I met him to talk the other day.  He started to play the victim by accusing me of blowing up our relationship over my paranoia and he accused me of trying to ‘put him on the street in his car’ again.  He called me crazy, insecure, accused me of trying to control him (because I looked through his phone).  I did see a therapist who advised me she thinks I’m co-dependent and suffer from low esteem.  She thinks I have been putting up with a lot of his behavior through out the duration of our relationship that would normally not occur in a healthy relationship.  She also mentioned that while she could not diagnose him for certain without seeing him she thinks he may have borderline personality disorder.

In any case his refusal to admit wrongdoing and show any empathy to hurting me deeply means this relationship is over. I gave him his 3 day notice and threatened him with police eviction for trespassing.  So now on to the healing and moving on.  I still have hundreds of questions floating around in my head but I know I just need to let it go.  One burning question though… Why do you think someone who even when confronted with concrete evidence of cheating would still deny anything happened? The relationship is over anyway and there’s nothing to save.  Why not just say yea I did that and I’m sorry? The hardest thing I’m finding about moving on is I feel like I need at least an apology after all that time we spent together.  I feel like this whole relationship was nothing to him.

Thank you for breaking it down for me Anita.  It helps me to see just how big a betrayal I’m dealing with.  I do believe he has been playing mind games with me also.  I’ve asked him to leave as soon as possible.  He says I’ll be putting him on the streets living out of his car…. That pulls on me even after what he’s done.  Also we do live in a city with a very high cost of living and a shortage of rentals.  We live in a house that I own under my name only.  We did not sign any leases or agreements when he moved in accept he made me promise I would never kick him out at a moments notice no matter what….I see now why.  I looked into the laws and by law he has 3-days notice in writing to get out.  After that if he is still there I could call the police and have him removed.  And still the idea of doing that is something I struggle with.  I feel like i’m too broken and defective to do the right thing for myself which would be to tell him to leave on his own in 3 days or be thrown out by the cops.  And then never speak to him again.

I’ve never been in a relationship and betrayed this deeply. I think I struggle with deeply rooted abandonment issues so this is really difficult.  My father was an alcoholic until I was 5 and my mother not ready to be a mother and married would often disappear for days at a time leaving me with my dad who was incapable of caring for me properly.  I spent a lot of time alone during that period.  Things smoothed out by the time I was 6 and I had a normal happy childhood thereafter but I wonder if this could be why I’m struggling so much letting this man go from my life.