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He’s not the one for you.
You’ve spent enough time ruminating on things that are a vicious cycle, which aren’t ever going to change. At this point, the problems with that relationship are so multiple that, by the time you might be able to fix one, another will crop up. Or a huge life issue, such as an illness. In other words, life is happening outside.
Honestly, it sounds like there are no pieces to pick up. Every relationship has good times – amazing times – this is b/c we are human, and great things happen to humans inside relationships, even when those relationships are only meant to be short-term life lessons, and stepping stones on life’s path. These good times are to be used as memories – reasons to be grateful for having spent a chunk of time with another person – however, they are Not to be confused with valid reasons to stay in a dead-end relationship.
You have faith, positive hopes, and ambitions – that much is clear. Don’t waste them by projecting them onto a relationship that isn’t meant for you. It is a waste of good faith, hopes and dreams that are meant for a different relationship. One that you KNOW works, and one that you do Not have to come to the Tiny Buddha website to obtain “advice” on for what you already know in your gut when you listen to it.
Get off of this hamster wheel that you are on. It will only wear you down, make you cynical, bitter – and you Don’t even need to let it.
Move on and much love.
xo
This exact thing has happened to me throughout my life. I am a quiet person whose kindness has routinely been mistaken for weakness.
Here is the answer. Get away from this group. Whatever it takes. Simply stop contact. Do not speak with them.
They are abusing you, and this 100% unacceptable. If you “turn the other cheek,” they will only smack it, too.
Even if you work with these people, take the necessary steps to go out of your way to avoid them. Remember that any bullying as a result of the break could not be any worse than the bullying you are already being subjected to. Actually, the bullying once you leave will not be as bad. This is because, as things are, you are expending energy by being positive to these people and giving them the best of what you have to offer, even as they give you the opposite in return. *THAT* is the part that threatens to break you if you stay in this abusive situation.
There is NO excuse for their behavior. It is NOT your problem. You do not have to be subjective to the vitriol of others who are unhappy with their lives so much that they are spewing toxins in the direction of innocent bystanders, and undermining the humanity of other people, simply because they have to be in close proximity to them while they earn money to feed their families.
I guarantee you that, if you have patience, you will soon hear another person complaining about their behavior. You are not their first victim, and you won’t be their last.
Just decide to be done with it – today. Do it for you. Do it for your child.
You don’t have to make a ruckus ~ do it quietly. Just quietly go – with no explanation – and no further contact. Simply decline all invitations and avoid all social interactions. Don’t spend anymore of your precious life’s energy on this timewasting situation.
Good luck. Keep coming back here as much as you need. There are plenty of people here to listen and help.
“Stop being invested in the the opinions of those who are invested in your failure.”
“A lie has speed. But truth has endurance.”A couple pieces of advice from a person who has been through this same thing before:
1. Expect it to take a while. Prepare to be patient during the process. It could be a while (up to a few years!) before you meet an actual “girlfriend” if what you desire is an intimate, exclusive relationship of like-minded souls. You may have to go through a few false starts, and then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again, but I have a feeling you are up to this challenge! (And remember, NOTHING WORTH HAVING comes fast, or easy:)
2. When you actually approach a woman, be yourself…your most positive, lighthearted, well-mannered, self. These are the qualities that make strangers – particularly women – want to get to know a person better. You might introduce yourself to her by making a funny, light-hearted remark about something going on in the room, or the event happening wherever you are. Then genuinely listen to her response. If it’s funny, then laugh or smile! When it’s your turn to talk again, you might give her a genuine compliment about something that made you notice her; maybe something like “I came over b/c I don’t see anyone else in the whole place wearing purple except you…I really like that jacket.” Or, if she has an interesting necklace or scarf on, try to think of something to say, or a question to ask, about it (“that scarf looks very fashionable…is that a 70’s vibe I’m sensing?) or just “that’s an interesting necklace,” which is enough to maybe get HER telling you all about why and where she bought it, while you show what a great listener you are 🙂
3. Remember that periods of famine are what make the feast more wholesome and enjoyable! Use this dry period to better yourself for the special woman you’re eventually going to hold in your arms! Try not to let loneliness get you down. Accept where you are, accept the fact that a long journey is made up of one small step at a time.
4. Stay positive…women cannot resist a man with a positive outlook and a generous attitude.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.