Thank you Anita for replying to my cry for help and for your insight.  It is interesting to see the ‘bad things’ broken down and I haven’t looked at my experiences that way, I have bunched them all up in the same basket called ‘my fault’.  I feel I need so much guidance at this time in my life.  I have always believed in God as you rightly describe as an entity that cares about justice, but this year I’ve become so convinced that it is my wishful thinking and maybe a childhood fantasy created by myself that God is somehow there to protect me and my family and others.    I have prayed and prayed but still things go wrong, now I just give up praying because I think whatever is going to happen is going to happen regardless of my deep desire or prayer. You asked me for a couple of examples of choices I made with negative results.  I was adopted as a child but my adoptive father was a peodophile long story made short I was youngest,  he sexually abused me for a very long time, I reported him but had to leave my home at 17 to stop the abuse, I then went into a relationship / marriage with a man who physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally abused me, I escaped through the help of a woman who recognised what was going on and reached out to me and helped me get out.  I have two beautiful daughters from the marriage.  So this is the first example I went from one abusive situation to another and now I am in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to commit full time to me, yet I stay committed to him putting aside all my wishes and hopes.  The second example is helping and trusting people, I took in  a young girl  years ago, having been asked to do so by a friend, the young girl was homeless but working.  Cut the story short, I really supported her, helped her repair relations with her family, listened to her for hours and hours, she told me had been diagnosed with cancer I believed her until I realised her treatment appointments were not making her unwell and she refused to allow me to go with her, she lied about the cancer, she lied about me, stole from me and worst of all disclosed to my 13 year old daughter that I had been sexually abused by my father – when I confronted my father I had hid a tape recorder to get evidence of the abuse, she found the tape and she played it for my daughter, my daughter went on to have problems for years associated with this trauma –  I have done this a number of times since.  I have opened my life to help others but ended up being very very badly hurt, it repeats itself over and over in my life.  I no longer know who to trust. I used to say I live my life by Christs example of love, compassion, kindness and truth but in nearly every situation I get hurt.  Why do these things keep happening? I try to live a good and kind life but I’m so lost.  I’m crying all the time, feel anxious, when something bad happens I say to myself see! Nothing goes right for you! I try to keep being positive but it’s so so difficult.  I’ve never sought advice online before but I was just so drawn to your website and the honest, insightful discussions that you have with members.  Can you help me understand why my life goes so wrong? Why bad things keep happening? Like for example,  I could barely afford a car last year but managed to scrape money together to get one for my daughter to go to college, one day, a stolen car, chased by Police Officers came into our estate, there are two hundred houses, the stolen car drove right into my car damaging the car, I do not wish for one second that it happen to anyone else but i was standing there thinking it had to be my car it just had to be my car why???I could give you so many examples of things like this never mind my life experiences.  Sorry it’s such a long reply, I really do appreciate you reaching to me at this momemt thank you Anita, this is such a difficult time for me.