I think anita’s advice here is very sound. I find I do the same thing at work — I assign motives to people, worry about what they’re saying behind doors, etc.

It comes down to a fear of being fired. I grew up very, very poor, and the idea of not having a job when I need one terrifies me. So i stretch to make relationships at work closer than they should be (why would they fire someone who is also a friend?) and then I worry far too much about what is happening. I see a knife in every shadow, and it’s really harmful to my mental health.

I think women ride a fine line as well — the more professional you are, the more “cold” you’re viewed. But I think anita’s advice is good, as well as some advice I received from my therapist:

You don’t have the right to know other’s thoughts. Let them think whatever they think. Don’t worry about it; people are inherently selfish, and they’re more concerned about how they look than about how you look.