From someone that once got a blender for her wedding anniversary, I can tell you that crying, telling a friend to tell him, using the kids and such. Is manipulative and wont work in the long run. Communication, honest and forthright is the only way to build and maintain a healthy relationship. Playing games and manipulating a partner is wrong and will lead to the demise of the relationship.

Oh honey I know what you are going through. My dad died 10 years ago this August, from complications from a stroke that left him in the same state you mother is. and I am still dealing with feelings of guilt now.
I was away from home, in a marriage that was broken beyond repair when I got a card from my dad. I noticed his handwriting was poor and called my mom. They had been divorced for years but were still friends. I asked her to check on him. She called me back later that day and told me that he had suffered a massive stroke. I packed up what I could and got a bus ticket home.

When I saw him it was terrible. He was aware of me being there. His body had failed him, but his spirit was there. Trapped. I am crying now as I type….
I sat beside him. Took his hand and told him I was ok.. even though I was not. I lied to him to give him the peace I felt he needed to let go. Three days later, with my visiting daily, and telling him stories about my good times in NC, he let go. And I miss him to this day.

I know it hurts. Gods I know. But I also know that he would not have wanted to stay trapped in that body. He had suffered from Multiple Sclerosis for years prior. And I knew what being disabled had done to him. He had been a Navy SEAL. Traveled the world. And he was stuck in a body that would no longer listen to him. So being there in a hospital bed was worse than death for him. Yet I still feel that, if I hadnt told him that I was “ok” He would tried and fought his way back.

Now I am facing MS and my body is not listening. I am trying to prepare my husband for what could be coming. And in that process I am hoping that he will be prepared to help our daughter. But I miss being able to talk to my dad on the phone. Get advice from him. Have him tell me that he loves me. Although.. every time I hear a particular song. Or hear a crow. Or just go outside. I know he is with me. He isnt in any pain. And, despite my feelings of guilt. I did the right thing in telling him I was safe. Ok. And home.

Bless you.

Martha