Hi, ik this thread is old but im desperate. Ive known my bf for 3 years and since meeting him we clicked. I wanted him first platonically. Than i felt romantic towards him but it was something else than before. He since then felt like my soulmate, my best friend and my lover. I’ve always had troubles expressing my emotions, from sadness to the romantic ones. I knew he feels what i feel towards him. We talked every day, about everything. He told me how he feels and it paralyzed me. I was suddenly scared of the romantic feelings, being open, expressing what i feel and becoming vulnerable so i told him that i dont want to be with him and that a relationship discusts me. I didn’t want to loose the friendship mainly as i thought that romance is artificial and fake. A year passed and there was not a day when i haven’t thought about him. We still talked everyday. I knew i like him that way. He still tried to persuade into the relationship and into trying to let go of the fear. With time i fell in love with him but was still repulsed by the thought of a relationship. I worked on myself and finally agreed to be with him. We’re together for almost a year now. Nwver been happier, never felt more loved and never loved more. He was my sun my moon and my stars ever since. We hung out whenever we could, ge brang me comfort, security and love, also being my best best friend. Oh my god i love him. I did obsess over loosing him tho, over him getting hurt, failing at school, being depressed etc. I really drain myself with those thoughts still, because i never cared about something as much as i do about this boy. Hes so caring and genuine and hes just my person. And then one evening when we we’re laying together i had a thought “i dont love him” which caused me panick, not getting out of bed for 2 days, pannick attacks, lack of energy and motivation. And mostly being terrified of loosing my love. Its going on for 3 weeks and im petrified. My head knows i love him and want no one but him. Hes trurly a dream. But im so anxious bc of the constant thought of doubt wether i love him. i dont feel like myself, i cant function. I just want it over. Im so so so scared. I just feel disconnected and petrified. What do i do? I dont want to break up and i want him forever by my side but i want the feeling of peace and calmness back. I dont feel repulsed by him. i still want to kiss him, i still want to hang out. But this paralizing feeling wont go away. Im so scared. I dont know what’s happening and i wanna be as relaxed and feel deeply in love as i did before that sudden change. Help…