Thanks BB,

We had a lot of time to talk over the weekend and it seems there has been some progress. It is still a 2 steps forward, 1 step back kind of thing, but for the most part we are making headway. Time will tell!

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments.

To clarify – we are in a committed relationship. We have met each other’s families. I am the first girlfriend he “brought home”. He has his own childhood issues that he struggles with and says this is a big barrier to him coming closer to me. Over the months he has made a lot of progress, but still I feel like I am the initiator of most things. I have pulled back, several times. At those times he did initiate and resolve issues and sought me out. I know he loves me, I just do not know if love to him means the same as it does to me. He was raised to not show affection; I am a very affectionate person. He was raised to keep his thoughts to himself; I have a hard time containing mine. We are very different people in how we live our lives daily, but we hold some important common values. He is ambitious, intelligent, thoughtful. He wants the same things I do in the long run and just keeps asking me to be patient because he is busy right now building a future for us both.

I become exhausted when my needs right now are repeatedly not met. However, I am cautious to put too much pressure on him too soon because I know in the past I have needed to be focused on my career first and there is nothing wrong with that. For instance, today, he was sweet and caring. He was there for me. He was loving and sweet. We have plans for the V-day weekend and I hope it goes well.

I guess me being torn stems from cognitive dissonance. My feelings and thoughts are leading me in different directions and I do not know how much to trust myself. I have allowed fears to rule my head and heart before and I do not want to do that with him. I want to learn how to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships and let them breathe. I just do not know how much space is too much or not enough and I do not know how to gauge the state of my relationship reasonably. He says I inflate the bad sometimes. I feel like he downplays it sometimes. This leaves me conflicted. He tells me to try meditation because he feels I overthink things. I have tried, but I cannot seem to relax enough to do more than 5 minutes.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by May.