Oh wow. Thank you Anita. You managed to put into one sentence everything that I have come to realize this year but struggle to really grasp for long. I guess seeing it come from someone else really makes it sink in. It hurts but I need this reminder.

Moving forward I am not so sure. I feel as though I have shut myself from moving forward with any man (even though Ive had many suitors). I have been doing meditation and working out and doing things that I enjoy, but I guess in the back of my mind I am afraid of getting into anything and revert to the same pattern. I’ve also been trying to break down my thoughts about my past relations and not see them as black and white. That was the case with my ex. He really didn’t do anything wrong and things did not work out because of the distance I am guessing. But I don’t know how to stop making myself a victim and apply the same victim mentality to this breakup. If that makes any sense?

I guess it came from my parents, especially my mother, who always criticized my sister and I when we were children and compared us to other children our age. My sister also has this feeling of being less worthy but on her it manifests a bit differently. This break-up has really made me realize that I need to work on moving past this belief but its been a long road. Although I am much better than a year ago, I still struggle with the insecurity in the romantic sphere. This is even more true since I have felt that all of my romantic relations/flings etc have always ended because they “found someone better”. Now Im struggling with this not only because my ex was the one to end the relationship but all my fears of him finding someone “better” have come true. Whilst I feel as though I can’t move forward. Part of me wants to move on and part of me wants to be back with him.