Oh my gosh girl! Do I ever hear you! When I read your post I couldn’t help but be pulled back to an almost identical time when everything on the outside looked so great but on the inside I was tangled, not knowing which way was up, and honestly completely and totally afraid, and not even knowing it, HOT MESS!

So, from experience, and from my heart, this is what I would love to ask… Who are you?

I don’t mean for this to be rude or rhetorical in any shape or form, quite the opposite. When I was in a similar situation to yours the thing I realized afterward was that I was so disconnected from myself and the only way to keep on keeping on was to keep doing doing doing, going going going, running running running, moving moving moving. I never stopped to ask myself “Who am I?” And even more importantly, “Who do I want to be?”

Are you really the impatient person who always has a problem and chooses to run from them? Are you the kind of woman who lets jealousy get in the way of learning something important from a relationship? If that’s who you are today, is that who you want to be?

Somehow I think you wouldn’t be writing and sharing here if you really just wanted to pack it in without having the relationship change you as a result of learning something so you can not only be a better you, but also be better in your next relationship. There is often valid reasons for walking away, I don’t think you’re there yet. You’ve hit a bump. You’re not only seeing deeper into him, he’s causing you to see deeper into yourself and that can be freaking so scary!!!! (Believe me, I’ve been doing a lot of digging lately – definitely not easy!)

THE BEST THING I’VE EVER DONE FOR MYSELF is to get clear on what I value and what I believe in above all else. Honestly, your values and your beliefs are your compass. They help you manifest your dreams and they help you make your every day choices and decisions.

If you’re game, here’s a simple way to get clear on your values and beliefs:
1. Take 15 minutes and write down everything you value and the beliefs you hold. Don’t judge them, write them all, even the things you judge to be “bad” or “wrong”. Write, write, write. Let them bubble up from deep down. Consider everything. Nothing is out of bounds.
2. Go through and read each one out loud. Feel how they feel inside of you. Do they strike a deep chord or do they just sit on the surface? Circle the ones that really really strike you, move you, make you want to shout it from the roof tops. Be vigilant with this. You want to FEEL something with the ones you circle. Not just kind of sort of, but really really feel something.
3. Now from that shorter list, look at them and decide which are the absolutely most important to you and living the life you want to live. The shorter the list the better. I like to say 3-5 but I’ve known people who’ve had 7 or even 9 and that works for them. I think the more you have the less clear you are. And if I’ve learned anything it’s that the more clear I am the better my life is.

Once you’ve done that now look at your relationship with you boyfriend and ask yourself:
Am I living by these values in this relationship? How can I do better at living, breathing, being these values as it relates to this relationship?
What are my boyfriends values (I recommend he do this too and you share these with each other)? How are they in alignment, where are they out of alignment?
Where is my life overall in alignment and out of alignment with these values. In the places where it is out of alignment what must I do in order to create alignment?

And also don’t forget as it relates to your boyfriend. The thing we all crave most is to be seen, to matter. What we most seek is significance. What can you do to “see” him? What can he do to “see” you?

I hope that helps!

With MORE:love,
Melissa