Hey

Dear Lealea

I hope this is helpful to you. So much of overcoming social anxiety is just about staying focused over the long term. It’s just like how a small stream of water can carve a huge canyon, if given enough time.

Quote I’m Thinking About:

“Anything that is worth doing is worth doing poorly.” – G.K. Chesterton

Okay, this applies to me sending out this newsletter a day late 😀 … but also to social anxiety!

Imagine someone named Bill who is a big loner now. And he doesn’t reach out to others or make new connections… because he’s afraid those people will judge him! So he stays lonely.

It’s a vicious circle.

Or imagine Christine… who doesn’t start conversations with people (classmates/coworkers/etc) because she’s afraid to make an awkward silence. Because of this, she continues being socially awkward because of her lack of social experience.

percaya diri

Another vicious circle!

So the way out of these vicious circles is… by doing things poorly. This means talking to people even when you must suffer through dreaded awkwardness and heart-pounding anxiety. “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” It’s a powerful idea. Take it and use it.

Stop the inner talk!

Next time you’re in a social situation and don’t know what to say… I want you to notice that you’re actually talking a lot! The problem is that you’re only talking to yourself in your head! And when you talk to yourself, it pushed you out of the “real world” and deep into a separate world inside your mind.

So I highly recommend you STOP this inner talk, at least when you’re around people.

By cutting off the inner chatter, it will redirect your focus back in the real world. Whenever I am feeling left out of a group conversation, I will do this. I notice that I’m talking to myself and cut it out. Instead I put my focus outward, observing what other people are saying and the environment with all my attention.

And when I do this, after a minute or two, a good thing to say will always suddenly come to me. It may be an observation about what’s going on, it may be a question sparked by my curiosity, it may be my opinion about what someone just said.

It’s something magic that happens when you cut off the inner dialogue and put your focus into the real world. Try it and see for yourself.

stop phobia

Wish you the best!