It’s not that I’m angry and sad all the time, these feelings are not prevalent in me as a person.

I can say, that yesterday I felt a strong happiness for making my significant other happy. It went away, but it was gorgeous, not too overwhelming but sweet. I do not experience such thing all of the time towards him or even other people, and it makes me feel some kind of way. You can even say sad, but far more quiet.

I had therapy, but my mother ended it when doctor had a conversation with her about her influence on my mental health.

Also, I started to meditate before sleep and after waking up, and it makes me somewhat more understanding of things. Now I try not to give “default” responses, and really try to feel something like that from my experience and relate through it. Right now there’s not much things that changed, almost nothing.

Also, thank you for listening…

It is correct. I don’t know if my mum has something to do with this, but I can entertain this idea.

I do have hard time experiencing things, even when I understand them. I can imagine that something requires a response, and act accordingly. I feel them in my mind, so to say… But there is no gut feeling, or chest feeling.

It is like having no grief or sadness over loss, even though I understand what it takes or means.  When I say “I love you” or “I trust you” or ” thank you” I want to really feel them, not just say… I have loving, thankful people all around me, but the only thing I want is to reciprocate them on a deeper level.