Thank you both for your replies. Natalie I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain as well- it is truly awful. My counselor has said some of the same things- see this as an opportunity to grow and become who you need to be.

I know, logically, that that is necessary. I just cannot seem to stop hurting myself emotionally. I completely isolated myself from everyone except for my ex husband so there are few people to talk to on this journey so I have come to the internet. I was so so lonely during the time with my husband but now, with close to no one, I am lonelier still. I suppose I should learn to be accepting of it but I feel like it shows some flaw of mine to have let my husband do that to me and for me to do it to myself.

I feel like I lived solely for him and his life for so many years that I do not know even how to have my own life anymore. I just keep comparing myself to him and others and it makes me feel awful about myself. I am scared that I will not be able to get myself to recover