Forum Replies Created
June 9, 2013 at 7:28 pm #36637MPParticipant
Just want to say sorry for the late response, and thank you very much for your input.
I agree with both of you in a lot of ways, and I feel like I came to the right place for advice. Our relationship has been very strange from the beginning, where it didn’t take the “traditional route” of falling in love, then slowly falling out of love (or love changing its shape). For me, it took time before I truly began appreciating her for who she is, and by then I had tried to break up with her twice.
At this point, she knows exactly what is going on in my mind, as we are very close and honest with each other. She is as supportive as she can be, but knows that it’s all up to me at this point. There is no guilt involved anymore, no fear of being alone or not being able to find another. One thing that I do fear a little bit is whether I will find another relationship as intimate as this one, and whether I will find someone that is so easy to communicate with and understanding. We understand and know each other very, very well as you can imagine.
There definitely are many positives to take away from this experience, as we both have matured through our ordeal,, and whether it was for the right intentions or not, she has managed to improve all areas in her life which I used to criticize, and I wasn’t justified in criticize them in the first place.
All I want to do at this point is be happy and find the peace of mind that I desperately need, with her in my life. Of course, the funny thing is that my mind and heart doesn’t seem to be in synch with each other. At this point it seems like there are more fear in getting back with her, not necessarily fear of leaving her. I’m fearful of same things happening, fearful of breaking up again, fearful of hurting our feelings even more. If the same thing was happening in the States, I would definitely try counseling or therapy, but those services are not as available where I am
As I previously stated, I’m away from my family and friends, working in a stressful environment, so I know that my personal circumstances is definitely playing a role in this situation, and vice versa.
If a resolution can’t be found anytime soon, we are currently discussing taking time off from each other for a while (a month or so) without any contact. Even though it will be hard for both of us as we’ll miss each other, we both realize that this is something that could help us in the long run. I could use this time to work on myself, try to untangle this confusion in my mind, and see how my emotions change as time progresses. She certainly thinks that if I continue this “can’t live with, can’t live without” thing with her, we’ll be so exhausted we’ll lose any glimpse of hope of working through this in the future.
Frankly, I’m just not willing to let her go. At least not yet. In any way possible, I want to work this out. It might sound selfish, but I sincerely hope that this is something that I can work through and strengthen this relationship in the future.
Please let me know what you think