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    Maybe you also need to consider if this person is worth the effort? Are they trust worthy and do they deserve your attention or is your life better without them?


    Yes, that is something I’ve been thinking about. Actually what I yearn for is to be a bit more careless, a bit more relaxed. I am not like a stressful person, I just know my limits, I act careful to the loved ones, I try not to bother anyone and also take care of myself at all times. But I don’t think she cares at all about any of those details. Can you sense anything that I am not seeing here? Let me know, you’d be helping me.


    You’re the best one to know for sure! Again you’ve done some good reflection here in this paragraph. It sounds like maybe you want to be a bit more carefree? Care less about what people think and focus on your needs?

    What about the fact that this person is liked and loved a lot? Do you feel like you are not? At least for myself, I know that would be a comparison I would make (and have made). But again, you’re the best to know for this. See if its true for you.

    Thank you for the tips, when I am involved in these types of comparing/toxic feelings, I tend to forget the other party can feel the same way. I kind of feel that she is creating the rivalry, but I am not sure.

    I wouldn’t label your feelings as toxic here. It is comparing and that’s very very common. Imo it’s not healthy, but I just want you to be kind to yourself here. Again, I’d investigate her motives and also I’d investigate if there anythings about her personality/character that you’d like to have.

    Maybe now that she brings this feeling, comparison, into my life about something that I’ve only done in a pure way and I am angry because of this.

    No one is responsible for how we feel. You can’t be upset at her for your personal comparing thoughts, they are yours and yours alone. For me, these thoughts (and your anger) point to something deeper.

    Also, I’d make a list of the reasons you do yoga and have those be your focus. I did the same for climbing and exercise, helped me a ton and helped me not compare myself to others. Be proud of yourself too, your streaks are quite impressive and you should be proud of that. You should also be proud of doing this reflection! It may be uncomfortable for a bit, but I feel we learn our most important lessons when we are uncomfortable.



    This is some good reflection you’ve done miyoid. I think this is someone you could learn a lot from.

    I think that she is a bit overvalued, glorified, and thanks to this overvaluing, she is a bit selfish, ignorant and felt like she was better than everyone else.

    From my experience and in my opinion, when we have opinions of others in this way says more about the person having the opinions. We often criticize in others what we dislike in ourselves and I feel like you think because you are more spiritual than your friend that you are better. In a sense you are overvaluing yourself (and specifically your spirituality) when compared to her.

    I’ve found when I am comparing or criticizing they often have something that I lack that I want for myself. Fitness or nothingness being notable attributes. Does this person have things that you wish you had?

    You mentioned this person is well loved, is that something you want to be?

    Do you talk to this friend much? I’d consider being vulnerable with her. You may find out that she might think less of herself than you think. Likewise, there may be things about yourself that she desires to be. She may want to be spiritually like you. She may not be, but I guess I’m trying to encourage you to not make assumptions and try and connect and understand her more deeply. Why makes her value her physical appearance more? Her answer might surprise you.

    Why do you focus on your spirituality? Yes to overcome your anxiety, childhood, etc. but there are a lot of mask those feelings (drugs, alcohol, ignorance of the problem). Why do you want to be better?

    With all of this, there might be a bit of unfairness you are feeling towards this person, especially if they have things you want and the fact that you’ve gone through some hard times. I’ve had to deal with this myself. Some people seem like they have it so easy and have everything I want! Life is unfair like this and there are a lot of feelings we must accept and process due to this fact.


    Hi Anita,

    I understand feeling conflicted. I think everyone in the world feels that. It is easy to be torn between two possibilities, both which may seem like they have equal benefits. Know you are not alone in feeling that.

    I am going to encourage you not to pursue this man. One of my favorite quotes that has helped me most in my relationships is “the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” This man was non-committal to you and cheated on you which obviously upset you as you wanted more. This man did not respect what you wanted and did not love you in the way he needed.

    From how I see it Anita, you need someone to give you the same love that you have been giving your self recently. I do not think this man will change his behavior. We’ve already seen that he seems more motivated by “impressing his friends” then by giving you what he wanted, some commitment.

    You may love him and have a ton of feelings for this man, but I encourage you to be realistic, use your best judgement and not to be led by your emotions. Respect and listen to your emotions of course, but do not be led by them. Make your own path. Choose your own path.


    With all of that said, and I am spectulating here, but I feel as though perhaps you want some physical attention or company? You’ve gotten to the point where you have loved yourself and perhaps you are lonely and looking for someone else in the world? Maybe there is someone else out there that can meet you for what you need?



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