monklet80

First and foremost, it’s a one sided opinion you got there. You have absolutely no idea what the big picture is. Try to see every situation from at least two angles. Stay focused on the point of the advice asked for. Don’t wander off topic into your own personal issues or agenda. You don’t need to judge or disagree with your fellow participants, lecture them or over explain things and make them feel belittled or stupid. And for the readers, give them empathy and ideas, stay optimistic rather than discouraging them.

And lastly, nothing’s perfect. This is not the perfect life of somebody who knows everything. This is the life of somebody who’s really still trying to figure it out.

xoxo

Laura

Hi hannahleah,

If you are unhappy with your life, you will have to give up some element of it at some point so you can move forward. Divorce is always a challenge, which is why so many married couples stay together even if their marriage is unfulfilling or unhealthy. Instead of following the voice inside their heads encouraging them to leave, some people simply come up with excuses to stay. Instead of being one of these people, learn how to leave a marriage as well as how to tell if you really should leave.

Before actually leaving your marriage, you need to figure out whether you should. There are a few sure signs that you need to at least seriously consider either counseling or leaving your spouse.

If there is no longer mutual respect between you, your marriage’s foundations is gone and it will be incredibly hard to fix. This is actually the most common reason for divorce and can cause the follow issues.
Those who are in an unhealthy relationship should look into leaving. An unhealthy relationship includes a marriage where one person is excessively possessive or controlling. Healthy marriages that work will involve each spouse supporting the other, including their desire to have their own life, friends, and interests without feelings of guilt.

If someone in the relationship has previously been physically abusive and not received professional help, then there is no guarantee they will not repeat their actions. This is an unsafe relationship and indicates you should leave. Abusiveness is really the time to start thinking about how to leave a marriage.
Consider leaving your marriage if you or your spouse won’t take responsibility for their actions, instead finding fault with those around them.

If one of the people in the marriage is uncomfortable or fearful about speaking their mind, this is a sign that the spouse only cares about themselves and the marriage is near its end.
Spouses who are consistently critical, argumentative, moody, nasty, or degrading are emotionally abusive. This is not a healthy relationship and can lead to the destruction of self-esteem by feeding doubt, insecurity, and fear.

If you find yourself constantly thinking about the needs of other people instead of yours, you should consider leaving the marriage instead. In other words, if you spend too much time helping others, you may be trying to ignore how you feel about your relationship and should take some time to think about your feelings.

A good sign that you should look into how to leave a marriage is if you find yourself frequently fantasizing about leaving your spouse and living a happy life. If you daydream about not having to live with them, you are already on the way out of the marriage emotionally.

After considering the above signs, take some time to think about what would happen if you and your spouse actually split up. This will take a while since you need to consider all of the consequences that affect your world, including religious affiliations, family, friends, children, work, living arrangements, emotions, and finances. If you are the primary breadwinner in the family, take time to research your state’s laws so you know what you will be responsible for financially in relation to your children or spouse. Instead of just thinking about these things, actually write them down so you can visually see how your life will change.

xoxo

Laura

Good Day Everyone!
Hello crazy angle!

As I was reading your story, I find it difficult to really dig into the whole issue with your gf , as what your trying to say she was snooping your phone/social media. I would want to know if you gave her any reason for her to go that far?(Cos I know how important it is for you guys to have PRIVACY). Did she catch you before talking to some girls?(flirtatiously) If so, you can’t really blame her. Sometimes it’s a natural instinct for a girl to be protective/territorial of her relationship, she might not want to be overly possessive but she want to secure her relationship. When someone tries to come in between the magic that is you and your significant other, the claws naturally come out. Unfortunately, you have to accept that this is going to happen more than once in your lifetime. Let me give my 2 cents of advice man, when you enter a “committed relationship” trust is really important.It is the fuel of the relationship. Without it, its the end game. SO how do you gain trust from your GF? First, you should be open to her. All your errands/socialization should not be kept a secret.I don’t think talking to your so called “friends” is an issue to her. But if at some point, your trying to communicate to some “people” your GF know nothing about, sure thing she will ask you. But that doesn’t mean she’s trying to control you. She might want to know what’s happening and she might have a bad feeling about someone or something. And if there’s nothing to hide, what’s the fuss?? If you want to make progress, openly discuss and analyze what the issue at hand is.

“she told me not to communicate with other girls (friends/strangers) and she called them “Threat”, so i told her i cant do what she wants, i only told her i can do that for people i don’t know but for my friends its a no no and she don’t agree with me and still insist for it. we always fight over the same issues, i feel so tired and suffocated, everything i do is being watch, its like ive committed a crime that i need to be in 24/7 surveillance, all my logins in fb are being questioned like who are you talking to, etc. etc.”

–> Your relationship with your friends should never be an issue. And if these “strangers” talks to you on a daily basis then the issue begins here. Maybe she don’t want you to be overly attached to these “strangers” cos later it might go into something deeper.
If these issues are being brought up before, why does it happen all over again? maybe that same “issue” was not really resolved from the very beginning. If she tells you that cutting off your communication with these “strangers” is the solution then would it be a big deal to you? Unless, it weighs more than your relationship with your girlfriend.

“i think that the best way is to move on, i think she needs to find that guy who have the same mind like her. or i am wrong? what do you think i can do to fix this relationship?”

–> When is the last time you really considered your girlfriend’s thoughts or feelings when you were making a decision that affected her? Consideration of a loved one involves understanding of their thoughts and feelings and an effort to listen to them in a way that communicates respect and genuine respect for their well being.

Learn to compromise on the things you disagree about. When your making a decision together, the most important thing is that you both first listen to each other and make sure you understand exactly where the other person stands on the issue, then you should be able to discuss the “PROS” and “CONS” of the situation in a respectful manner and to find a resolution that can make both of you as happy as possible.

A relationship is a two way street, not a highway and a bike path. If you really want to be with someone you have to be willing to make some sacrifices and work it a little, otherwise the relationship will never work. Relationship require effort from both side or they collapse, so stop being selfish.

The real deal here is compromise, respect and empathy.

xoxo,

Laura